Finding a Friend in Your Home

It's Thursday newsletter time: finding support from your home, capturing change, Substack reading recommendations and holiday season grounding practices

Nov 30, 2023

Befriending Your Home

Finding the support you need right at home

How can you make friends with your kitchen counters? And no, this is not about a hack for keeping your counters clutter-free (if you have one, let me know). Sometimes we need a friend. There are moments when you can call, text or even just think about a friend or family member to feel supported. Sometimes you can be that friend you need in the moment by practicing self-compassion. Today, I offer another friend to add to your list—your home. It may sound a little nutty but this can be helpful when you need a little assist during the day.

This short little practice is adapted from a body-based exercise from Rebekah LaDyne’s book, The Mind-Body Stress Reset: Somatic Practices to Reduce Overwhelm and Increase Well-Being. At one point in the exercise she asks if the surface you are sitting or laying on can “support you just a little bit more, so that you don’t have to do so much of the work”. There are little ways one can find just a little more support throughout the day. I personally find myself at the kitchen counter with frequency, so it is a great place to do this. I put my hands on the counter and once settled for a few seconds, I ask myself the above question. My hands relax just a little more, letting the counter do more of the work. It’s a simple way to get grounded. You can tailor this to your life and home. Where and when do you need a little extra support?

brown tree — Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash

Your Weekly Mud Boot

The weekly offering of a practice or exercise to support you in your parenthood. Why Mud Boot? Mud boots can certainly make standing in the mud a little easier…

The groundwork for doing exercises or practices.

1. You may see writing exercise or mindfulness practice and think that’s too “touchy feely” for me or that is not my thing. That’s okay but it might be helpful, you will never know unless you try.

2. Sometimes you might have a lot on your plate and you just can’t do one more thing and that’s okay too. Put it away for a rainy day.

3. We all have different ways we learn and process information. There is no one right way.

4. I have the official disclaimer at the bottom of the page but remember these are for educational purposes only and do not qualify as therapy.

A Change Inventory

Monday’s post was all about the pivots of parenthood and the innumerable changes that accompany small humans. As a clinician, one of the first things I would ask during an evaluation was if there had been any recent changes or transitions. Children are sensitive to change and so are adults.

This week’s exercise is a change inventory for YOU.

To focus your reflection, focus on summer and fall. Make a list of any recent changes or transitions. As always you know you, if this has been a particularly difficult season, this may not be helpful to reflect on at this time or may be more useful in connection with someone you trust like a friend, spouse or therapist. Be wise and care for yourself.
The big stuff like new baby, new job, new diagnosis or moving come to mind when we think about change, but the smaller stuff counts too. Maybe there was a small reorganization project, a new neighbor, a new layout at your office, you joined a new book club or something changed in your daily routine. Don’t forget the smaller things.
As you reflect on your inventory this is an opportunity to give yourself some credit. Sit with your list. Change can bring up a lot of different feelings, even the “happy” changes can bring a degree of stress.

Make it Your Own:

If you like to journal? Pick one or two changes to focus on and reflect on how these changes have influenced you. Do you feel like you were connected to your values during these changes? If yes, how so? If no, are there ways to honor those values now?
In connection? Make an inventory with your partner and reflect on these transitions/changes as a couple or share the exercise with a friend and share with each other the highlights and lowlights.
Visual? Sometimes it’s helpful to put your changes on a timeline with either words or images. Does anyone remember doing timelines in middle school history class?
Photo by Lauren Sauder on Unsplash

Recommendations, resources and other tidbits for you…

A mix of topics with three Substack articles and grounding techniques for the holiday season. There was a lot to read over the Thanksgiving break and here are just a few that you may enjoy.