Finding Ways to Read in Parenthood
It's Thursday newsletter time: reading in parenthood, the parenting book you would write and 5 important books I read in 2023
Learning to read…again
Parenthood changes everything, including your reading habits
There is something that doesn’t get talked about at the “how to keep your baby alive” class—it gets hard to read books when you have kids. Yes, it’s true having children pretty much shakes up anything you enjoy doing. So certainly if reading is not your thing, feel free to insert preferred activity of your choosing. I, however, like to read and I missed it in early parenthood. It was the usual suspects that usurped this loved activity—all the demands on my time, exhaustion and the overwhelm of figuring out this parent thing. Even when the time appeared, exhaustion would thwart my intentions. I felt stuck.
A developing parent reader emerges
Finding a way to integrate reading back into my life as a parent, meant having to find a new way to be a reader. I didn’t want to wait until I had “more” time at some point in the future. I also knew I couldn’t expect that saying I wanted to “read more” was going to make time appear. Slowly it started with embracing commute audiobooks and then I started reading at the gym which was new for me. Of course, pandemic life messed that all up, with no commute or gym time. This meant I had to pivot again and there were starts and stops for sure. Eventually I found more time to read if I was very intentional. When I transitioned to be at home full time with my kids, it just couldn’t happen without extra planning. Last year instead of New Year’s resolutions I went with “explorations”. I took my expanding book list and divided it into themes assigned to each month of the year. This structured approach meant I had a monthly book list ready. I ended up reading about 50 books in 2023. For some that may seem like a lot and for others that may be nothing. It’s by far the most I have read in years.
I share this not to compare to anyone else’s reading accomplishments but to acknowledge that having kids changes how you do the things you enjoy and it may take some creative problem solving.
Some things I have found helpful in supporting my reading:
I use my library
This may be obvious to others but I am embarrassed to admit that I really had not fully utilized the library for myself in recent years. I would take the kids but not check out my own books. I use my library a lot now. It is such an amazing free resource.
A recent reading hack
I almost hesitate to share this as it feels like a productivity hack but it’s a way to streamline what you are reading. I found I had a large amount of audiobooks I hadn’t gotten to yet so I started to get the actual books from the library to go back and forth between the actual physical book and audiobook throughout the day. I don’t do this with all books, there is some criteria to make it successful. When it’s something I am really enjoying, its nice to be able to continue it in different settings.
Staying organized
It does help to get organized, so that you know what you are reading next. I keep a running list of book titles I am interested in. Whenever I hear about a book of interest, I quickly google it and screenshot it. Then I come back later and put them on my “to read” list. I request 3-4 books at a time from the library so I have them ready to go (along with some I buy).
Permission to quit books
This has taken my whole lifetime to get here. I have struggled to leave a book unfinished even if I didn’t like it and that ultimately would keep me stalled in a slow or no reading zone for too long. As Sarah Miller, author of Can We Read?, noted in her recent post about her personal reading routines:
“Growing up my mother told me all the time, “There are too many good books in the world to waste time reading one you don’t like,” so, I don’t waste time with any book I don’t like. I give it ten pages, sometimes even less, and if I’m not immediately into it, I quit.”
In Case You Missed It…
Check out Monday’s post, a new way to categorize parenting advice…or at least in parallel universe:
Your Weekly Mud Boot
The weekly offering of a practice or exercise to support you in your parenthood. Why Mud Boot? Mud boots can certainly make standing in the mud a little easier…
The groundwork for doing exercises or practices.
1. You may see writing exercise or mindfulness practice and think that’s too “touchy feely” for me or that is not my thing. That’s okay but it might be helpful, you will never know unless you try.
2. Sometimes you might have a lot on your plate and you just can’t do one more thing and that’s okay too. Put it away for a rainy day.
3. We all have different ways we learn and process information. There is no one right way.
4. I have the official disclaimer at the bottom of the page but remember these are for educational purposes only and do not qualify as therapy.
What would be the parenting book you would write?
Whether you know it or not, you have a lot of wisdom. So often authors report that they wrote the book that they needed, so this week reflect on if you wrote a book about parenting, what would it be? Imagine the title and your blurb about what someone would find in your book.
Make it Your Own:
Design the cover. Sketch, collage or pick a photograph to represent your parenting wisdom.
Share the fun. Swap imaginary book titles with parent friends or members of a book club.
Ask a different type expert. Ask your child what book they would write for parents.
Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash
Recommendations: 5 Books I loved in 2023…
I read a lot of great things in 2023. Here are just 5 of the great books I read that I felt were important for a number of reasons. All of these books caused me to look up and sit with a question or an idea for minute (or more). In no particular order…
Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture by
This book is an important read for all who are around children with bodies. It is well-researched, interesting and will get you thinking about how we approach kids, weight and food.
Is This Autism? A Guide for Clinicians and Everyone Else by Donna Henderson and Sarah Wayland with Jamell White
Yes, it is unlikely this is going to be a read for everyone, but I feel it is important to spend a minute here. This is a very unique book that blends together research and autistic voices in exploring less identified presentations of autism. Our understanding of autism is slowly expanding but there are still many that are misdiagnosed or not identified. As a parent of an autistic child this book was so deeply validating and helped me understand my child in new ways. I want to emphasize the importance of this book for anyone working in mental health, education and healthcare independent of whether you work with adults or children. For those who do work in a diagnostic capacity, there is a companion book with a more detailed exploration of the diagnostic process.
Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman
I got this one read under the wire for 2023 during winter break. Perfect read for the beginning of the new year when you may be thinking about how and where you are putting your attention.
- , PhD
This book utilizes interesting research and practical tools to support working parents. As I read this, I kept thinking I wish I had this when I was early in parenthood and working full time. I would recommend it to any working parents.
Movement Matters: Essays on Movement Science, Movement Ecology and the Nature of Movement by Katy Bowman
This is not a new one but really got me thinking about movement in a very different way. Katy Bowman is a biomechanist and looks at how we move our bodies (or not move) well beyond exercise.
What are you reading these days? Drop it in the comments.
Disclaimer: The content on Mindful Mom in the Mud posted by Dr. Kathryn Barbash, PsyD on the Instagram account (@mindfulmominthmud), Youtube Channel (@mindfulinthemud) and newsletter (mindfulinthemud.substack.com) or any other medium or social media platform (the “information”) is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for medical, clinical, legal and professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Reliance on any information provided by Mindful Mom in the Mud is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your licensed mental health professional or other qualified health provider.
this is so great! I also find it really helpful to stash a couple books around the house--usually an easier bedtime read on my nightstand and maybe some nonfiction in the living room, a magazine or newspaper in the kitchen--so I can pick up reading if I have a few minutes anywhere in the house. I also decided a couple years ago I really wanted my kids to see me reading physical books, and I use the library a *ton* for that. (all of this works better, of course, once your kids are old enough that they don't require *constant* supervision--definitely harder to find reading time when you've got toddlers!)
Yes to tip #3 and #4. And stashing books/reading everywhere! I ALSO decide when I get a book (nonfiction) how much of the book I will count as having “read” it. It’s a little different than abandoning a book. It’s a kind of pre-acknowledgement and pre-forgiveness... And many books do repeat themselves. If you’ve read 3-4 chapters, you’ve probably got the gist!