How to Write “A How To”…
Without being a know-it-all
I am writing a guide on how to read in parenthood, which, if all goes as planned, will be released just in time for summer reading. As a bibliophile, I am having a grand time putting it together. However, I’m also wary of telling people how to do things in general, which makes writing a “how-to” guide a little tricky.
There is so much advice out there, not just advice for reading, but for everything. There’s rarely an article or social media post that says, “just keep doing what you’re doing, you’re good.” The quality and validity of the life advice out there varies greatly. And the more advice flowing into the universe, the more we all get the message that we can’t possibly figure out how to live without guidance from someone typing on a computer. I am all for learning and getting support, but have we reached the tipping point yet? In
’s piece, Dear Fellow Psychologists, she delivers a needed reality check to professionals like me who write about the life stuff:“We write articles brimming over with ‘top 10s,’ checklists, inspirational quotes, and ‘these 3 steps will change your life’ salesmanship. We might even throw in a clever cartoon or two. We work hard to grab the eyeballs of people searching for help, but who have .1% of their attention to give because they’re so busy consuming other content and multi-tasking. Is this what mental health looks like? Could it be that our ‘tips’ are just time wasters and band aids that block people from doing things that could actually help?”
This is something I think about often. I realize that some may think that a guide focused on reading habits may not need this level of scrutiny. But I believe it’s worth entertaining the possibility that any type of “how to” advice deserves some inquiry.
Maybe this is like a mission statement, a way to stay on track for myself. A “how not to write a how to,” perhaps? And if it’s reasonable for advice givers to be aware of these potential problems, it seems that advice receivers should also have this list at their disposal.
Don’t be a poor advice giver by…
Overpromising
It’s easy to be passionate about what you believe is helpful. On one side of the overpromising spectrum, there may be slighty too enthusiastic statements, however on the other end, there can be more shady behaviors like misrepresentation of research to make something look more compelling than it is. There is a line between being confident in your knowledge and overpromising. Much of the marketing advice out there would tell one to “sell transformation” or “solve a problem,” and this can easily lead to overpromising to gain an edge.
Example: This cookie recipe will make your children stop fighting with each other.
Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash Giving very specific solutions
A lot of advice, especially in the “hack” form, is very specific; it’s really in the weeds. So it may be perfect for a specific person in a very specific situation, but that makes it much less likely to work for the rest of us. It’s also only one solution that might not even be connected to the real problem…or it may be solving for a non-existent problem.
Example: Your toddler won’t eat vegetables, it’s because you don’t have enough seasonal cookie-cutter-shaped veggies!
Making lots of assumptions
Advice is prepared with a certain audience in mind and likely a somewhat homogeneous audience. It is difficult to give advice and include every possible qualifier or scenario. Life’s challenges are complex, as psychologist and writer,
, shared for readers of A Wonderful Mess in January:“My second challenge is that as a therapist, I know how much complexity there can be behind a parent’s seemingly simple request for help. For example, if a parent wants advice to help “get my teen more motivated,” I have so many questions about that child and the family. There’s just not one answer and I need more information to more meaningfully address the problem, yet I’m not their therapist so that’s crossing a boundary. When I give talks, I’ve started the Q&A sessions with the disclaimer that I can’t respond to problems that are specific to individual children.”
If I were to meet you in a clinical setting in the role of therapist, I would know things, not just because I have training, but because I would be asking questions, lots of them. Like an annoying amount of questions. Any general advice out there doesn’t have that important feature, and assumptions will be made. Advice-givers need to be wary of what kind of assumptions they are making and those taking in the advice need to also to take it into account.
Example: Sleepy in the morning? Drink a glass of water right away, and you’ll start the day bright and ready to go.
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash Making it pretty and perfect
Who doesn’t like pretty things? I do. This is a common feature of social media— the visual advice medium. The performance of life is in a neatly packaged photo or video. It’s aspirational and also not real. Much like the conversations we have with kids when they see something over the top in a movie, reminding ourselves that a perfectly clean kitchen and the ease portrayed by an influencer because they do XYZ in their morning routine are special effects. It takes incredible work to produce content. Enjoy it as entertainment.
Example: Living my best life in my beautiful kitchen, making cereal from scratch…
Photo by Dane Deaner on Unsplash Making it ugly and scary
This is the fear-mongering type of advice. There are scary stories and terrifying statistics, so that you know if you do not do the thing, bad things will happen. By the time you get down to the advice, your cortisol is pumping, there is an urgency that wasn’t there five minutes ago, and you are ready for action. People don’t always make the best decisions when they are scared. You may learn new information that is concerning to you, but making informed choices from a place of calm and rational thinking will serve you in the long run. Advice-givers, there is a way to convey important information without scaring the bejeezus out of people.
Example: Squirrel attacks are up, so lock doors and windows NOW before they get in your house!
Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash
I guess now that I have put this out into the universe, if I do any of the above, you can call me out.