Tired Parents Can't Meditate on a Mountaintop

What does bringing mindfulness into your real life parenthood look like?

Mindfulness offers practices that allow us to be in the moment. And when you are in the moment, there is a pathway to choices. And as parents, we need choices (even when there aren’t great ones).

The picture below maybe what you think when you hear mindfulness but this is not what mindfulness in parenting has looked like for me.

Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

It’s more like this— finding a deep breath when I hear “MOM!” from the other room and find this:

Vacuum cleaners should be on all baby registries

Or here where I am reclaiming my phone from my budding photographer and not losing it:

I have so many of this genre of photo

There is no doubt that mindfulness is popular these days. There are numerous apps, blogs, podcasts, books and all avenues of social media content delivering mindfulness practices to the masses. Mindfulness can help with stress, mood, mental health, sleep and physical health. But what is it and what can it look like as a part of your parenthood?

Mindfulness is being aware of your moment-to-moment experience with non-judgement. With mindfulness you approach your experiences with clarity and balance, allowing for everything to be there, including thoughts, emotions and sensations without resisting, avoiding or being swept up in them. 

Also helpful to note that mindfulness is not:

• being calm or happy all the time

• having no thoughts in your head

• only achieved through lengthy daily meditation

• being present all the time

• able to remove the real obstacles/adveristy people experience in their life

• able to replace real systemic gaps

• a cure-all

We could take a dive further into some research like here. Or I could direct you to wise teachers like Sharon Salzberg, who you can listen to here on the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast but it’s more helpful to provide a glimpse into what bringing mindfulness into parenthood can look like on the ground.

Presence, awareness, curiosity and non-judgment with your kids

• Listening to your child and discovering why they like their sandwiches cut that way even though it still tastes the same your way

• Finding the breath your body needs before the yell comes out

• Finding the breath your body needs before you repair after the yell comes out

• Sitting in the car one moment longer so you can fully say hello to your kids when you enter your home

• Stopping your task to listen to their giggles

• Greeting your frustration as you are asked for the 10th time to use your phone

• Showing up curious to understand why that math worksheet is “the dumbest in the world”

• Stopping to see the rock with your toddler

  

  Toddlers are mindfulness masters

• Slowing down to give a hug

• Showing up with intention to really understand the latest gaming obsession

• Catching the autopilot lecture about taking responsibility before it comes out of your mouth and making a choice as to what to say next

• Pausing before you post on your social media feed to think about how your child might feel about you sharing a particular photo

Bringing mindfulness into your parenting goes beyond the interactions with your child(ren). It also extends to your interactions, relationships and experiences in the community.

Presence, awareness, curiosity and non-judgment in your community

• Pausing and caring for your thoughts and feelings before you send a furious message to the school after an incident

• Awareness of feelings of comparison when you are talking with other parents about their kids’ accomplishments

• Hearing deeply how a fellow parent is struggling and needing connection

• Recognizing that you are overwhelmed and asking for help

• Entering that over-stimulating trampoline park with many deep breaths

  

  If you know you know…sensory overload

• Observing the chatter in your head at the birthday party where your kid is glued to your leg and not getting stuck in it

• Being curious and observing your child and his friends navigating a conflict and deciding with intention whether you need to step in

And possibly most importantly mindfulness has an impact on you and your wellbeing.

Presence, awareness, curiosity and non-judgment with yourself

• Awareness when you are viewing something on social media that is triggering guilt or shame about your parenting

• Noticing those thoughts that you are doing a bad job as a parent

• Recognizing that you need space, even if it is bathroom

• Getting curious as to why your kid asking for a new video game is firing you up

• Tuning into your body and realizing you haven’t eaten yet today

• Pausing to bring attention to the process of making your cup of coffee

One of the most important parts of my day

• Meditating, even if it is only 5 minutes…or 3…or 1

• Taking a breath before you get up to do the next task

• Feeling your feet on the ground in the kitchen while you make dinner

The glue and the ear plugs

I have a doctorate in psychology and I have the 2^nd informal doctorate I pursued in parenting after becoming a parent. I tried to learn about all the things and there are so many things. And all this “knowledge” seemed to have contradictions and mysterious gaps. It all got pretty noisy. Bringing mindfulness to my parenting was both the ear plugs and the glue. A way to quiet some of the outside noise and a way to bring the pieces together that I needed. It supports me in tuning into my children, myself and our family as a whole. With mindfulness, I have the skills to be intentional, integrate useful knowledge and make choices for my unique family and our needs.

Little moments, little choices that maybe make the day a little more—a little more vivid, a little more kind and a little more connected along with all the mess of real life.

Let’s just call this “Saturday”

Interested in practicing a little mindfulness? Here is a simple one minute practice: