Who Supports You?
When parents need help
Welcome to another post of A Wonderful Mess (formerly Mindful Mom in the Mud). A newsletter focused on navigating the mess of parenthood with humor, compassion and common sense.
No podcast audio today, since there are many links in this post. And May’s link and recs post comes out on Thursday, so keep an eye out for that. It’s got a bunch of good stuff, can’t wait to share.
There was a period when I was practically a professional UNO player. I was also a badass Eye Spy-er. I colored at least once a day, if not two or three times a day. I played feelings charades and created catchy characters to explain complicated life experiences. This was not in elementary school, this was my job. As a child and adolescent psychologist, every day was an adventure in connection, guidance, and support. The busy schedule, the copious notes, and the jigsaw puzzle of finding time for bathroom breaks was reliable but the families I worked with all had different needs and stories. I am no longer in clinical practice but still play UNO like a world champion (which drives my kids crazy). This however is not a discussion of card games.
Caregivers need support, too
We are coming to the end of May which is Mental Health Awareness Month. Awareness months are tricky things. How do we make them meaningful? How do you accomplish their purpose, instead of becoming a check box for HR departments? How do you represent the voices that need to be heard over the louder ones? What is the education we need for this moment? What do people really need to hear?
This message is short and it’s for parents. One part of my job that did not involve coloring sheets or talking about anxieties of the school hallway, was when I asked this question, “Who supports you?” This question was directed to the adult in the room—a parent, caregiver, or guardian. Being a therapist is a strange job. A family enters a room to meet with you and shares their struggles, fears, tragedies, obstacles, conflicts, and inner worlds. It is a privilege to be privy to their experience in this way. My role within the room was to focus on the child or teen and give them the space for their needs. And that looked like many different things. Often their caregivers needed that space, too but they got their child there before they could themselves.
“Who supports you?” It was important to ask this question gracefully, hoping they could hear it as an outstretching of a hand and not a signal to be quiet or that the room was already full. Some had support from family, community, or mental health services. For others, they had little or nothing. Caregivers need their own space and we need to shout from the rooftops that they deserve it.
This is not a simple process but worthy of our time and energy. Mental health services are difficult to navigate but the first step is asking, “Who supports you?” If we don’t ask these questions, it is hard to move towards support in whatever form that may take. And sometimes others need you to ask these questions for them, please do it with care and dignity.
Below are several resources on mental health services but sometimes you start closer to home. Talking to a friend, family member or your primary care physician can be the first step. If you do think you may need a therapist, I highly reccommend checking out the article below by
on finding a therapist. She had already written the article I would write on this topic which was fortutious for all of us. I have also included a handful of other Substack newsletters that address different aspects of mental health. There are of course many wonderful writers out there addressing mental health and would welcome any additional reccomendations in the comment section.Mental Health Resources
NAMI-National Alliance on Mental Illness
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org
This is a great post with some general information about possible signs that you need to seek more support for your child.
This is a information packed post on how to find a therapist that can be applied to both kids or adults.
Others writing about mental health:
This is in no way an exhaustive list. It’s a place to start.
Real Self-Care is a newsletter from psychiatrist,
.Letters from Therapy is a newsletter written by
who is a psychotherapist.A Year of Mental Health is “a year-long experiment in purposeful productivity, all through the lens of mental health and wellbeing” from
.Letters from a Psychotherapist is for those “Intrigued by the mind? Explore the fascinating world of cutting-edge mental health & personal growth in our every-changing world. We delve into captivating concepts to spark curiosity & empower your journey of discovery!” from
.Dr. Amber_Writes is a newsletter from a “Clinical Psychologist who wants to help you feel your feelings. Emotions come naturally, but feeling them takes some work" from
Motherhood Minute has “Quick reads for mothers who need a minute. Deep dives into parenting, mental health, and connecting with others” from
.
And please add others to the comments section if you have helpful resources to share.
A last note
A short PSA for everyone: when you stand in the grocery store and see that kid being wild and that parent is checked out or screaming at them. Just remember we can never know what is going on in their life. If there is something to hope for from an awareness month, it is being aware of this truth and holding kindness towards others.
Please share any helpful mental health resources in the comment section.
Thank you for sharing this incredible list of resources. I love the "Who supports you?" question... it really makes you pause and think about how *you* are being taken care of. It's so easy to get so busy and in the weeds of parenting that I feel like we should be asking ourselves this every Sunday and mobilizing support to make it feel less lonely and overwhelming.
Hi Kathryn, thank you for pointing out the importance of discussing with parents their well-being, coping, and support network while working with children and adolescents. I have a limited experience in working with this age group; however, I know that at times, as professionals, we can become blind-sided, focusing on the children's problems and needs and forgetting that they might be (and often are) a result of a wider context. We really need to support the parents if we want to provide long-lasting changes for that young person.
Also, thank you for including my Substack publication on your list here. It really means a lot!