Why We Read Books
The "How to Read in Parenthood" Guide is here!
It’s here. The How to Read in Parenthood Guide that I’ve been teasing for a while is here. At the bottom of the essay, you will find the button to click to download it. It is free for all. It’s 40 pages of reading goodness. Read it! Share it!
But it’s just the beginning…and all of that is explained at the bottom of the essay.
I like books. I like to read. I call myself a reader. This is not news to anyone who knows me or reads A Wonderful Mess. This may seem like an uninteresting fact about me, similar to how I wear pants most days and enjoy tea in the evenings. But it’s helpful to know this about me because it speaks a little to my bias. I am about to unload some opinions here.
Here it goes:
I believe parents deserve a meaningful reading life that suits them.
And some more of my biased thoughts:
I believe reading presents incredible opportunities that are helpful for parents.
Now, to some, this is still falling in the uninteresting category, but to others, this might rile you up a bit. How can someone say to a parent who is possibly sleep-deprived, overstimulated, and mentally overloaded that they should read a book? It sounds very similar to the advice about managing stress by taking a bubble bath or going to yoga class without addressing the real systemic challenges and obstacles in one’s life.
I get that. Before we venture more into the possibilities for the reading lives of parents, we have to understand why. Why does one read in the first place? What does it bring to one’s life? This is deeper than just proclaiming the identity of “reader.”
This winter, I surveyed eighty-nine parents about their reading lives. And there were many overlapping answers to the question, “What has reading meant to you?”
There were themes. And as a psychologist, I love themes. Let me share some with you.
Escape
Escape can get a bad rap. Like we are hiding from something. However, I think of escape in reading life as more of a bridge. A bridge to another place, another’s emotions, or another set of circumstances. And we all need a bridge from time to time. Maybe it’s because we need a break, or a change to shake us out of a routine, or maybe it’s a form of rest.
Learning about others
Different perspectives, empathy, opening my mind, and an avenue into others’ minds…were all different answers to how reading offers a seat in the world of others. To meet those you may never encounter in your day-to-day, whether it be those from a faraway land, time, planet, or a set of life circumstances. Reading presents the opportunity to turn towards the many possibilities of lives lived outside of our own.
Joy and Happiness
Those positive feelings that can warm you up. What a fascinating biochemical exchange. Unread pages with letters on them are just that, but then reading transforms them into an experience. It is a reaction, with science behind it, and yet still mysterious or magical in occurrence. These reactions are not only reserved for the positive emotions—there can be sadness, grief, anger, disgust, surprise, fear, and more. It is awe-inspiring to reflect on how a story can generate emotions in its readers.
Peace and Calm
A sense of stillness in a world that is always moving. The ability to stop and find respite when it feels like so much is stirring all the time. Calm is the absence of challenging emotions like anxiety, anger, or other strong emotions. Reading can be the quiet body of water to float in, conserving one’s strength for more demanding times.
And then there was just everything
No, everything, that was the response many times. All the things. It’s a word to capture our inability to capture exactly WHAT it is. It just means so much that it cannot be separated for analysis.
Life’s messages
It was recently my birthday, when one tends to reflect on the past year. The timing of this guide is unrelated to this, more connected to the summer reading season, but of course, I have found some ties to those themes mentioned above. This last year, there have been whispering reminders to me of how not in control we are of most things. The universe has been sending notes to me that bodies do not heal as fast and as easily as we want them to. People get very sick quickly. Nature is powerful, and your landscape can be altered in seconds. I am very lucky, all this feedback from the universe has turned out okay—healing happens in its own way, people have recovered their health, and our home is safe and intact. But it would be foolish not to integrate the insights offered. Time is precious, limited, and not in your control.
What does this have to do with reading? Because I understand what everything means, but I can’t explain it. And I certainly don’t want to miss out on it.
Everyone deserves this. Everyone deserves access to stories in their lives. And yes, I recognize that reading may not be everything to everyone, but I bet it can mean something.
So let’s do it.
Read the guide. Enjoy the guide. Share the guide.
All humans deserve a meaningful reading life.
Why this, and where are we going?
Clearly, I love books. I love to share books that I enjoy, but when I think about my strengths, becoming a book influencer is not it (don’t worry, I won’t stop sharing books, I can’t help myself). My particular strengths lie in the realm of supporting people doing the things that are meaningful to them. Reading is not simply knowing what book to read; it has a whole host of psychological, behavioral, and cultural factors. There is a lot of fretting over how people don’t read books anymore. The discussion often aims at the tech distractions, and then a sigh and shoulder shrug. Distractions are very relevant, but there is so much more to it. The guide above just scratches the surface. There is a lot to explore. From the psychological lens, there are reader (and non-reader) identities, our early experiences with reading (especially for those who are neurodivergent), guilt, perfectionism, and more. The behavioral angle, which YES, absolutely has to do with the distractions, but also about making choices about time, structuring one’s environment for meeting your needs, and beyond. Culture is interconnected to both the psychological and behavioral aspects, as it powerfully influences our choices.
Then there is the bigger picture—the value of reading beyond the individual. The possibility of community through reading and connection to something larger, like the small businesses selling books, the creative people writing the books, incredibly vital public institutions like the library, and supporting access to literacy for all.
These challenges impact all humans reading books but parents have a lot of additional constraints in their lives that make reading difficult. When I was researching this project, I was struck by the amount of content focused on supporting parents supporting kids in reading and very little about the parents themselves.
Of course, once you start something, you realize how many more directions you can go. I could not possibly address all the big and small questions about the parent reading life in this download. Enter Reading While Parenting, a new feature of A Wonderful Mess. All the other stuff, the Monday essay and monthly roundup, remain the same, but now we have a place to get into the details of reading.
We are starting with The Messy Summer Reading Club, which entails Saturday emails supporting your reading life amidst the chaos of summer. These are short and sweet (not long essays). There is no assigned reading, number of books goals, or anything like that. These emails will begin on June 7, 2025. The rhythm of the Reading While Parenting posts will shift depending on the season. And you can find any of the Reading While Parenting content here in case you miss anything.
If you would prefer not to have another email (I get it, I promise these are short and sweet), you can opt out right here. All you have to do is deselect the Reading While Parenting section. And you can also opt back in at any time.
And don’t forget to check out the guide…
Making this guide brought me great joy, and it took a lot of time and effort. If you are interested in supporting the writing you find here as well as future guides, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.
If a paid subscription is not in the cards right now, you can also support A Wonderful Mess by giving a one-time amount through my Buy Me a Coffee page. As everyone knows by now, coffee is important to this newsletter’s existence.
What has reading meant to you in your life?
This is so exciting, Kathryn! I can’t wait to dig into the guide!