12 hrs ago·edited 10 hrs agoLiked by Kathryn Barbash, PsyD
This is so masterfully written. I have one child, she’s almost 4 and in a half-day preschool, and I’m amazed how much of my time is spent thinking about who will care for her next. My partner and I are fortunate to have fairly flexible schedules plus grandparents nearby, and still! Arranging childcare is a never-ending task. I can’t imagine how challenging that task is with four children! (And how incredibly daunting it was during the pandemic.)
Thank you so much for your kind words, Katie! Yes, the anticipating of what's next is constant and then the pandemic has also taught us that we can have "plans" but they might not work out.
What a beautiful way to share your experiences; thank you. I am in the thick of sourcing childcare options for my fifteen-month-old as I'm due to start a PhD in October and live far, far away from family. In the UK, there can be quite a stigma around day care, for so many reasons, and I find myself feeling all sorts of emotions around the decisions we'll have to make soon. Your account, however, has encouraged me that the village that exists around us as we parents can be beautiful, and can include day care. Thank you, again, for sharing!
I am so glad you connected with this piece, Holly. Daycare was a wonderful community and an important part of our parenthood. We were very sad to leave due to our needs. And what I know from my own experiences (just as in parenting) there are many ways to manage childcare.
Not being from the UK, why does daycare carry stigma? It's just a part of life on this side of the Atlantic. And really stressful not only because of costs, but also because there's a shortage. Parents often put their children on waiting lists prior to their birth. And this is even with paid parental leave lasting a year to 18 months (many opt for the year since payment remains the same if you take longer leave - you just get less per month).
I’m really lucky to have my parents live in the same building as we do and they’re usually ready to take care of my 6 year old (okay, he won’t be 6 for another few weeks, but he’s close enough so 6 it is). We also have a nanny/housekeeper to help us out. We were considering daycare when he was younger but the pandemic hit so we opted out (he was just about 18 months when that happened). We don’t have to do as much now that he’s in full day school and many organizations around here have single day camps on days schools are closed for professional development/activity (we call them PD/PA Days in Canada (or at least the Toronto area)). However, those camps aren’t cheap. Some charge $120-$150 (Canadian) for that single day (per kid) and you still have to pack a lunch. There are typically 10 PA Days a year so things add up. I’m paying $120 for my kid’s “multi sport” after school program and that’s for the season!
It's so interesting to learn about how other countries support families. I can see how that camps add up, especially on top of anything else you are paying for.
Do single day camps not exist where you are? I think they're a new thing here. When I was a kid, day camps were in the summer only. These days, camps exist for all days kids might be off (save for long weekends) and the Christmas/December holidays!
We had always planned on me staying home with our children--if we had any! So, problem solved. The kind of plan that 18-19 year olds who have never provided child care for a single 24 hours at a time make. Bless our hearts.
Our parents live 1800 miles away--so they aren't regular caregivers, but would fly in to help when the kids were babies or I would take the kids back east during the summer conference travel weeks. Other than that, it was ikea, church nursery, gym childcare for the odd hour here or there and generally traveling in a pack of other families out and about until kindergarten. Those families were life savers, opening their homes to play dates, bringing meals, offering to throw supplies at our door while we were sick, celebrating holidays, offering advice, just spending time together, etc. We made it work.
Tiffany, you built such an important community for your care needs. And yes, all those things that seem so simple and straightforward when you are young.
Oh This brings back memories of the constant puzzle that is childcare. Exhausting to even think about. Then add in allergies and the Tree of Life incident being down the street. Oy! I remember the freedom I felt when my kids could finally be home alone for 45 minutes while I ran to the store. Great piece!
This is so masterfully written. I have one child, she’s almost 4 and in a half-day preschool, and I’m amazed how much of my time is spent thinking about who will care for her next. My partner and I are fortunate to have fairly flexible schedules plus grandparents nearby, and still! Arranging childcare is a never-ending task. I can’t imagine how challenging that task is with four children! (And how incredibly daunting it was during the pandemic.)
Thank you so much for writing this, Kathryn ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words, Katie! Yes, the anticipating of what's next is constant and then the pandemic has also taught us that we can have "plans" but they might not work out.
What a beautiful way to share your experiences; thank you. I am in the thick of sourcing childcare options for my fifteen-month-old as I'm due to start a PhD in October and live far, far away from family. In the UK, there can be quite a stigma around day care, for so many reasons, and I find myself feeling all sorts of emotions around the decisions we'll have to make soon. Your account, however, has encouraged me that the village that exists around us as we parents can be beautiful, and can include day care. Thank you, again, for sharing!
I am so glad you connected with this piece, Holly. Daycare was a wonderful community and an important part of our parenthood. We were very sad to leave due to our needs. And what I know from my own experiences (just as in parenting) there are many ways to manage childcare.
Not being from the UK, why does daycare carry stigma? It's just a part of life on this side of the Atlantic. And really stressful not only because of costs, but also because there's a shortage. Parents often put their children on waiting lists prior to their birth. And this is even with paid parental leave lasting a year to 18 months (many opt for the year since payment remains the same if you take longer leave - you just get less per month).
Deeply appreciate how you shared your care journey, Kathryn.
I love this -- "The constellation of care is like a living organism. Simultaneously changing alongside the humans that are growing and changing, too."
And thank you for including me alongside these incredible voices in the care space!
Thank you so much, Molly. And thank you for all your amazing work around care and maternal stress.
I’m really lucky to have my parents live in the same building as we do and they’re usually ready to take care of my 6 year old (okay, he won’t be 6 for another few weeks, but he’s close enough so 6 it is). We also have a nanny/housekeeper to help us out. We were considering daycare when he was younger but the pandemic hit so we opted out (he was just about 18 months when that happened). We don’t have to do as much now that he’s in full day school and many organizations around here have single day camps on days schools are closed for professional development/activity (we call them PD/PA Days in Canada (or at least the Toronto area)). However, those camps aren’t cheap. Some charge $120-$150 (Canadian) for that single day (per kid) and you still have to pack a lunch. There are typically 10 PA Days a year so things add up. I’m paying $120 for my kid’s “multi sport” after school program and that’s for the season!
It's so interesting to learn about how other countries support families. I can see how that camps add up, especially on top of anything else you are paying for.
Do single day camps not exist where you are? I think they're a new thing here. When I was a kid, day camps were in the summer only. These days, camps exist for all days kids might be off (save for long weekends) and the Christmas/December holidays!
We had always planned on me staying home with our children--if we had any! So, problem solved. The kind of plan that 18-19 year olds who have never provided child care for a single 24 hours at a time make. Bless our hearts.
Our parents live 1800 miles away--so they aren't regular caregivers, but would fly in to help when the kids were babies or I would take the kids back east during the summer conference travel weeks. Other than that, it was ikea, church nursery, gym childcare for the odd hour here or there and generally traveling in a pack of other families out and about until kindergarten. Those families were life savers, opening their homes to play dates, bringing meals, offering to throw supplies at our door while we were sick, celebrating holidays, offering advice, just spending time together, etc. We made it work.
Tiffany, you built such an important community for your care needs. And yes, all those things that seem so simple and straightforward when you are young.
Oh This brings back memories of the constant puzzle that is childcare. Exhausting to even think about. Then add in allergies and the Tree of Life incident being down the street. Oy! I remember the freedom I felt when my kids could finally be home alone for 45 minutes while I ran to the store. Great piece!