Thank you to all the contributors for answering this question. The joy of this process for me is to see how everyone responds differently. I love learning from others and I hope others do, too!
I think it's so interesting how other mums deal with losing it, and even just realising that we all lose it sonetimes as mums is a comfort in itself. Relating to Molly saying she has a feisty daughter, described my eldest exactly! And I'm going to try out Marika's tip, lying on the floor, easy to remember and easy to do.
I loved Marika's response. I am definitely keeping that one in my back pocket. I think that recognizing that we all lose it is really important! Thanks for reading, Jenna!
I love that this whole post focused on parental behavior in parenting. It provides hope that people who do want change in their families can make that change, especially if they include themselves in the equation. The actionable ideas provided by the respondants help us readers to try them on for size to see what sticks. Thanks.
Yes, I think there can be so many different paths forward. And even just the "essence" of the tips whether it's a physical action or a more of a cognitive approach can give people a starting point.
This is a great point, Kathryn. Sometimes we want to/need to change the way we're thinking about a situation. And sometimes we need to change what we do! Playing around with both and realizing THERE IS NOT A PERFECT ANSWER helped me unhook from a ton of parenting guilt and shame.
I appreciated the inclusion of a parent of a kid with special needs. I'm parenting 2 kids with intellectual disabilities. I find that their greater needs can often drain me and bring me to the point of "losing it" more often than with neurotypical kids. The guilt that comes with losing it on your kid with special needs is ROUGH. This quote from the essay really spoke to me: "It's helped me understand that so much of what is happening isn't in his control, and his behavior doesn't always reflect his feelings. Hearing from adults with a variety of strengths and weaknesses has helped me see my son's disability in a richer, more nuanced way, and that has helped me meet him where he is, even if it's not where either of us wants him to be."
Thank you Gretchen. It can be so difficult when you have differing needs, you are just going to be more drained and more likely to lose it. Self-compassion can be so helpful along with that shifting as both you and Heidi mentioned as to what is going on under the surface--there is more to the picture. Can't wait to check out your article.
I really love this idea of laying on the floor, immediately changing perspective and think it would "get me out of my head"! Thank you for gathering all these different, excellent ideas in one place, Kathryn.
Thank you for all these tips! I actually love your singing one and am going to try it tonight. I say “tonight” because, lately, I lose it almost every night 😵💫.
A friend of mine coined the term 'vomit trumpet' to describe a toddler with a projectile tummy bug. There was something so beautifully simultaneously apocalyptic and comic about that - the parental reckoning with the bucket usually also being only a few hours away - that you just had to laugh.
Now that my kids are practically adults (well, one already is) I wished I had been clearer in my head about how little they were - and are - and how much they're still works in process, and how you need to really manage your expectations while still needing to raise them to be good humans. It's really hard and obviously you'll flip your lid from time to time.
The puberty wilderness years have been pretty rough going but we've gotten better at the repair - the thing that's made the biggest difference is us parents changing our behaviour (less nagging, more acceptance, safe space for your child to develop their emerging separate identity, more couple/adult time with your spouse or friends to let off steam and find joy outside the family context) and go figure, it helps calm things down quite a bit.
Thank you to all the contributors for answering this question. The joy of this process for me is to see how everyone responds differently. I love learning from others and I hope others do, too!
I think it's so interesting how other mums deal with losing it, and even just realising that we all lose it sonetimes as mums is a comfort in itself. Relating to Molly saying she has a feisty daughter, described my eldest exactly! And I'm going to try out Marika's tip, lying on the floor, easy to remember and easy to do.
I loved Marika's response. I am definitely keeping that one in my back pocket. I think that recognizing that we all lose it is really important! Thanks for reading, Jenna!
Yes! Let's all just lie down and call it parenting. It will be easier if we know we're not alone in this strategy! 😅
Lie Down Parenting! We could start a movement. 😍
I would go to this Ted talk.
I love that this whole post focused on parental behavior in parenting. It provides hope that people who do want change in their families can make that change, especially if they include themselves in the equation. The actionable ideas provided by the respondants help us readers to try them on for size to see what sticks. Thanks.
Yes, I think there can be so many different paths forward. And even just the "essence" of the tips whether it's a physical action or a more of a cognitive approach can give people a starting point.
This is a great point, Kathryn. Sometimes we want to/need to change the way we're thinking about a situation. And sometimes we need to change what we do! Playing around with both and realizing THERE IS NOT A PERFECT ANSWER helped me unhook from a ton of parenting guilt and shame.
Yes, so many ways to experiment in different types of situations.
I appreciated the inclusion of a parent of a kid with special needs. I'm parenting 2 kids with intellectual disabilities. I find that their greater needs can often drain me and bring me to the point of "losing it" more often than with neurotypical kids. The guilt that comes with losing it on your kid with special needs is ROUGH. This quote from the essay really spoke to me: "It's helped me understand that so much of what is happening isn't in his control, and his behavior doesn't always reflect his feelings. Hearing from adults with a variety of strengths and weaknesses has helped me see my son's disability in a richer, more nuanced way, and that has helped me meet him where he is, even if it's not where either of us wants him to be."
I wrote an essay about a similar idea not too long ago. I'll share it here in case anyone's interested to reflect more on parenting kids with special needs: https://notjustmyown.substack.com/p/why-cant-you-just-stop?r=1ezccm
Thank you Gretchen. It can be so difficult when you have differing needs, you are just going to be more drained and more likely to lose it. Self-compassion can be so helpful along with that shifting as both you and Heidi mentioned as to what is going on under the surface--there is more to the picture. Can't wait to check out your article.
I really love this idea of laying on the floor, immediately changing perspective and think it would "get me out of my head"! Thank you for gathering all these different, excellent ideas in one place, Kathryn.
Thank you Lolly!
I love the singing idea! I’m going to try that out next time I’m at my wits end
It's definitely worth a try!
Thank you for all these tips! I actually love your singing one and am going to try it tonight. I say “tonight” because, lately, I lose it almost every night 😵💫.
Happy to be of service :)
A friend of mine coined the term 'vomit trumpet' to describe a toddler with a projectile tummy bug. There was something so beautifully simultaneously apocalyptic and comic about that - the parental reckoning with the bucket usually also being only a few hours away - that you just had to laugh.
Now that my kids are practically adults (well, one already is) I wished I had been clearer in my head about how little they were - and are - and how much they're still works in process, and how you need to really manage your expectations while still needing to raise them to be good humans. It's really hard and obviously you'll flip your lid from time to time.
The puberty wilderness years have been pretty rough going but we've gotten better at the repair - the thing that's made the biggest difference is us parents changing our behaviour (less nagging, more acceptance, safe space for your child to develop their emerging separate identity, more couple/adult time with your spouse or friends to let off steam and find joy outside the family context) and go figure, it helps calm things down quite a bit.