I’ve spent a lot of time trying to “soften” my kid’s behaviors and a lot of words of writing to work out what he “actually feels” when his responses perplex or frustrate me.
The thing I return to is the countless times my kid *has* demonstrated empathy and has received compliments on his politeness and conscientiousness! I wonder if maybe it’s just an intermittent skill/capacity like lots of skills for ADHDers?
I do think that sometimes our views on what something "is" like empathy are so shaped by neurotypical standards, it is hard to sift through what something may look like in other forms. And I do think that other struggles can certainly mask an underlying capacity for empathy. If someone is struggling with frustration tolerance and that rises to the surface first, that may look like an inability to be empathic but later that person is able to express empathy when they are regulated, it doesn't mean they don't have capacity for it.
Thank you Mikhal for joining us in the mess!
I'm beyond honored!! The mess is where I feel most comfortable:)
Thank you Mikhal for this wonderful explanation. You sound exactly like my forty-one year old son!
Oh gosh thank you!! It was hard to describe, so I'm glad it resonates:)
Yes, thank you Mikhal!
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to “soften” my kid’s behaviors and a lot of words of writing to work out what he “actually feels” when his responses perplex or frustrate me.
The thing I return to is the countless times my kid *has* demonstrated empathy and has received compliments on his politeness and conscientiousness! I wonder if maybe it’s just an intermittent skill/capacity like lots of skills for ADHDers?
I do think that sometimes our views on what something "is" like empathy are so shaped by neurotypical standards, it is hard to sift through what something may look like in other forms. And I do think that other struggles can certainly mask an underlying capacity for empathy. If someone is struggling with frustration tolerance and that rises to the surface first, that may look like an inability to be empathic but later that person is able to express empathy when they are regulated, it doesn't mean they don't have capacity for it.
Oh gosh, I've been trying to figure out the words for this and you wrote it so perfectly Kathryn!
BOOM! Yes. So true. (Also thinking about how rejection sensitivity plays into things...)
Yesssss such a good point! Rejection sensitivity is a huge part of the experience, for sure.
Thank you for this, Mikhal! It’s really helpful to hear you articulate your inner experience and connect it to the labels we find in the literature. 🥰
Thank you for reading! This one is definitely near and dear to my heart.