Not A Holiday Toy Guide
Don't forget about play this holiday season
The catalogs started coming on October 1. The delight in my children’s voices and their feverish circling cannot be accurately described. I admit to storing these catalogs away and then revealing them as an “activity.” My kids then use their hours of catalog study to make their Christmas lists.
But using the catalog to keep them busy isn’t a catalog’s true purpose— it’s to sell toys! And that is what the holidays are really about.
No, not true, of course. Holidays are about way more than toys. They mean a whole of different things to different people like connection, celebration, faith, family, reflection, and more. And cookies, let’s not forget the cookies.
However, I want to talk about toys. Or actually what the toys are really about, which is supposed to be play. This is forgotten at times in the modern climate. Some of the unfortunate and misguided messages we get about toys are:
They are a means to far away end i.e. this toy will improve your now 3-year-old’s SAT scores
They will optimize your child in some capacity i.e. this play kitchen will not only support their imagination but they will also learn how to multitask by cooking several dishes while working the espresso machine
Insert any virtue-signaling marketing term of the current zeitgeist
Having the newest thing will signal status amongst the playground crowd
A lot of this falls into how the things we buy are marketed. The toy industry is not naive to the idea that solving a problem is a great way to encourage buying. And parents worry about the kids being okay. And maybe that toy can take care of one of our million worries.
I am not here to argue that buying toys is harmful, more that we sometimes lose sight of the point of toys…which is once again to play.
So we are all on the same page, let’s state some foundational truths about play:
Play is good
Play is important for humans
There is not one way to play
Now that we have that cleared up, let’s take just a moment to dismiss another misleading message out there. There is a lot of discussion about “good” play. I’ve written before about this here and here. One can find all kinds of arguments about whether or not to play with your kids, how much play they need outside, the type of toy materials, open-ended toys versus fixed toys, and so on. If we take several steps back, we may discover that some of these arguments are more complicated than they first appear. We can not forget variables around time, support for families, money, access, disability, neurodiversity, community safety, and broader cultural implications. What a mess. Shouldn’t play be about fun, joy, needs, and connection? Take a breath, and remember there are many ways to play.
This is How We Play: A Celebration of Disability and Adaptation by
, and Caroline Cupp and illustrated by Kayla Harren is a “joyful love letter to all the ways disabled people and their families use adaptive, imaginative, and considerate play so everyone can join in the fun.” Books have the power to remind us that a broader view can provide innumerable possibilities and this book reminds us that play can look many different ways.
Playful shopping
Stepping out of the weeds, we can remember that kids need to be able to play. And families will meet those needs in different ways that are suited to them. How about a playful framework for your holiday buying?
When selecting toys for your kids think of yourself as a play facilitator. This is a flexible role, it can work for kids of all ages and varying needs. Instead of focusing on an outcome—i.e. building a future conscientious employee, focus on the here and now. It’s not the long-term potential, it’s the play potential. Consider the playfulness factor when consulting those catalogs. And the key thing to remember is that the playfulness factor is unique to your child.
It may be helpful to take a trip down memory lane to get a feel for this slightly made-up playfulness factor. I queried the network of writers on Substack in a “scientific” way by asking them about their favorite toys from childhood on the Substack version of social media, Notes. Below are some of their answers paired with books. Books are excellent playful resources—they give us ideas, let us see others playing as we do, and allow us to connect with others around play.
The Makers
As
who writes shared sometimes it’s not the popular toy that sticks out in your memory but something else:“Believe it or not, it wasn’t my Cabbage Patch dolls (I had a few…four girls and a boy (two came later, with one being a talking kid who came with a sippy cup!!!)! For Christmas the year I was six (I think), Santa got me a Crayola art case. In it contained crayons, chalk, two types of paint, and markers. I think it was a limited edition because I never saw that again.”
I have a maker in my house. His play is about making—all kinds of making—art, crafts, experiments, new habitats for stuffed animals, and baking. The whole process is a part of the experience for him (with the exception of cleaning up).
To Make by Danielle Davis and illustrated by Mags DeRoma reminds us that “to make anything—big or small—it will take some time.” This book represents many types of makers—from those who make in the kitchen to those who use the page.
The Play Partners
who writes , highlights her favorite toy wasn’t a toy at all but a person:“I think my baby brother was my favorite toy (hah!). But wow, so many that I can’t remember? I loved setting things up — like creating a whole scene for my American Girls but then not having much interest in actually acting anything out with them? But I loved playing restaurant and school with that little brother toy, whether he liked it or not.”
Have You Seen Elephant? by David Barrow is a humorous rendering of the classic hide and seek. Oh, how fun it can be to have a playmate.
The Classics
No, not dolls, blocks, or cars…the sticks, rocks, mud… and cardboard boxes. Several people including
who writes mentioned the play potential of the outdoors. And who writes reminds us of something that never goes out of style:“A top childhood memory was when my parents got a new fridge and we got to play with the giant cardboard box it came in.”
Not a Box by Antoinette Portis declares what kids already know to be true, a box is not just a box. Not a Stick is another title from the same author.
Baby Dolls and Creatures
of and I share the memories of a lot of doll play during childhood. of named the most used toys in my house: stuffies!
I Am Otter by Sam Garton. Otter fills most days with adventure with faithful friends—Teddy and Giraffe, proving stuffed animals are wonderful playmates (even when they land you in trouble most of the time).
They are who they are
It all comes down to tuning into your unique child and family. Observe. Be curious. Look for delight and joy. Hold expectations lightly. You can always offer up something to experiment with, but ultimately, kids are going to play their way.
Jet the Cat (Is NOT a Cat) by Phaea Crede. This humorous story is all about celebrating our differences and the unique ways that we are who we are.
The books linked in this post are through our favorite local independent children’s bookstore, Spark Books. These are not affiliate links. This bookstore is not only a beautiful space to visit with our children to buy books; this is where I attend my monthly book club. This is a space where we gather, talk about books, and laugh…a lot. Small businesses are community spaces. Consider supporting community spaces by shopping small businesses this holiday season.
What a fantastic post! These days it seems to be the rule that if a toy has been bought then it absolutely cannot ever be played with 😩
Toy du jour is her old bassinet. Glad I hung onto it 😂
I love your gift guide--it inspired me to think about how my young teenager plays and how to support that!