Oh man, as someone who's struggling to freelance and write and mother all at the same time, boy do I feel SEEN. Thank you, Ashley for making me not feel so alone! And, it's been 3 years, still waiting for that playgroup leader to show up.
Yes! That's exactly what I did to start my no-kids-allowed book club :) It felt like a big lift in the beginning, but now it's set on the calendar and many others are helping me keep it going.
1000% I had my second baby this past year and she’s catapulted me into cultivating my own “playgroup” type culture. Want a playgroup? I’m the leader. Want to go camping? I’m planning and attending. Want to start a neighborhood dinner party? I’m here bothering all of you to come. And we’re bringing the kids on a neighborhood walk first.
They’re out there (the playgroups), but you will have to find them instead of waiting to be found. And it may take going to more than one group/playtime to find your vibe. But I would encourage anyone to seek one or more out. Some come with child care, so the moms can talk and drink coffee, some are sitting on the perimeter of a play area while littles play. Most are really accepting of all the messiness, literal messy hair etc., missing weeks due to illness, exhaustion and not your cheery self, having a noisy busy toddler in your lap as you visit.
Totally agree that they're out there! I have friends who have really put in the work to find a good fit. It feels a little less organic than my mom's time... it definitely created this fantasy for me that my playgroup would just land on my doorstep :)
Yeah! Those of us who aren’t just sticking our kid in 8-6 daycare are ALL doing it differently. I don’t know a single mom who is doing the exact same system and thus we don’t have playgroups. I know one other mom with multiple businesses and she has several Nannie’s, both grandparents, and cleaners and personal assistants. I know other moms who are their whole tribe and village but aren’t working at the same time. It’s very hard to find the other part time self employed moms and actually make our schedules mesh. I think so many of us work during nap time or the precious little time we have between mom-ing that we aren’t about to give it up to socialize.
Totally agree, Elizabeth! Even when I find another mom who works part-time, her days are usually the opposite of mine. Sigh. Takes a lot of creativity to find connection these days.
I do think it’s so tough for vulnerable new parents to create their own community! The onus for finding it shouldn’t be on us.
I’m lucky I live somewhere walkable, with a long standing playgroup staffed by older ladies who lovingly bully you into attending. If it hadn’t been suggested one dozen times, if it had any sort of commitment involved, if the walk took more than the 10 minutes it does, if I had to put my children in a car or change them out of their pajamas or even feed us all breakfast first (playgroup has spare nappies and loads of cookies for the kids and coffee for the moms) I’d have startled like a frightened rabbit.
The nicest thing they have made part of the culture is they encourage us to take nice photos of each other in portrait mode and forward them on even if we don’t know the other mom well. All my best photos of me and the kids are from there! And the older volunteers think we’re all gorgeous and pay us extravagant compliments even on the days we have crumbs and spit up all over us
The first two years of motherhood for me were so lonely… then I moved to a small town and found a playgroup and the other playgroup mums have genuinely become my best friends and my village! Our kids are now best friends. It’s out there still I promise!
I saw an NCT pre birth meeting last week. Pregnant couples met in a room off a cafe where I was playing with my daughter and other families gathered eating ice creams. I remember thinking that they were paying someone to find out things that those of us know the cafe could have shared with them.
It made me think about how we pay for advice and to find other parents friends when our parents would have met people IRL . No judgement or individuals - I did an NCT class too 9 years ago more of a sign of changing times...
Our playgroup was a group of harried working parents who attended weekly Early Childhood Family Education classes offered by our school district. We moved from weekly in-class meetings to gatherings at each other's houses for dinners and playtime. It sure took effort to rally beyond our own schedules and needs. Making community is hard stuff.
I think people forget how long it took to build their playgroups/communities, especially if they weren't building from scratch. And it is not much relief to know that it's a "give it three years" kind of timeline when you need it immediately. It is hard to grow a community at the same time as you become a parent.
And, of course, I am inexplicably leaving out a huge change in context--which is that recent new parents have been doing this post-pandemic. In 2022, we were only doing one non-school indoor thing a month--which we added because my high-risk kids were finally vaccinated. It is only in the past year that we have really returned to something that looks like pre-pandemic life. These past five years have been particularly difficult.
Yes, this is a huge factor. When my son was born in 2022, we could only have one visitor in the hospital at a time (and my husband had to leave the room for them to come in). Then we were so protective of him after his NICU stay, so anything social felt impossible.
So happy to have Ashley in the mess! Thank you, Ashley!
Such an honor to enter the mess with you!
Oh man, as someone who's struggling to freelance and write and mother all at the same time, boy do I feel SEEN. Thank you, Ashley for making me not feel so alone! And, it's been 3 years, still waiting for that playgroup leader to show up.
So glad to know I'm not alone, Sri! Thanks for reading.
Sometimes you gotta become the playgroup leader…ask me how I know 😩
Yes! That's exactly what I did to start my no-kids-allowed book club :) It felt like a big lift in the beginning, but now it's set on the calendar and many others are helping me keep it going.
I love a book club :) Going to my book club each month is definitely one of my favorite things.
1000% I had my second baby this past year and she’s catapulted me into cultivating my own “playgroup” type culture. Want a playgroup? I’m the leader. Want to go camping? I’m planning and attending. Want to start a neighborhood dinner party? I’m here bothering all of you to come. And we’re bringing the kids on a neighborhood walk first.
Love that Zoei! We need more of you ❤️
They’re out there (the playgroups), but you will have to find them instead of waiting to be found. And it may take going to more than one group/playtime to find your vibe. But I would encourage anyone to seek one or more out. Some come with child care, so the moms can talk and drink coffee, some are sitting on the perimeter of a play area while littles play. Most are really accepting of all the messiness, literal messy hair etc., missing weeks due to illness, exhaustion and not your cheery self, having a noisy busy toddler in your lap as you visit.
Totally agree that they're out there! I have friends who have really put in the work to find a good fit. It feels a little less organic than my mom's time... it definitely created this fantasy for me that my playgroup would just land on my doorstep :)
Yeah! Those of us who aren’t just sticking our kid in 8-6 daycare are ALL doing it differently. I don’t know a single mom who is doing the exact same system and thus we don’t have playgroups. I know one other mom with multiple businesses and she has several Nannie’s, both grandparents, and cleaners and personal assistants. I know other moms who are their whole tribe and village but aren’t working at the same time. It’s very hard to find the other part time self employed moms and actually make our schedules mesh. I think so many of us work during nap time or the precious little time we have between mom-ing that we aren’t about to give it up to socialize.
Yes, the meshing of schedules is a huge challenge!
Totally agree, Elizabeth! Even when I find another mom who works part-time, her days are usually the opposite of mine. Sigh. Takes a lot of creativity to find connection these days.
I do think it’s so tough for vulnerable new parents to create their own community! The onus for finding it shouldn’t be on us.
I’m lucky I live somewhere walkable, with a long standing playgroup staffed by older ladies who lovingly bully you into attending. If it hadn’t been suggested one dozen times, if it had any sort of commitment involved, if the walk took more than the 10 minutes it does, if I had to put my children in a car or change them out of their pajamas or even feed us all breakfast first (playgroup has spare nappies and loads of cookies for the kids and coffee for the moms) I’d have startled like a frightened rabbit.
Walkable is so huge! Love how the older ladies "bully" you into coming :)
The nicest thing they have made part of the culture is they encourage us to take nice photos of each other in portrait mode and forward them on even if we don’t know the other mom well. All my best photos of me and the kids are from there! And the older volunteers think we’re all gorgeous and pay us extravagant compliments even on the days we have crumbs and spit up all over us
I bet you do get way better photos while you're just enjoying yourselves! So hard to capture those organic moments in a paid photoshoot.
The first two years of motherhood for me were so lonely… then I moved to a small town and found a playgroup and the other playgroup mums have genuinely become my best friends and my village! Our kids are now best friends. It’s out there still I promise!
I love that, Holly! Perks of a small town for sure.
I saw an NCT pre birth meeting last week. Pregnant couples met in a room off a cafe where I was playing with my daughter and other families gathered eating ice creams. I remember thinking that they were paying someone to find out things that those of us know the cafe could have shared with them.
It made me think about how we pay for advice and to find other parents friends when our parents would have met people IRL . No judgement or individuals - I did an NCT class too 9 years ago more of a sign of changing times...
Oh yes, that's really something to think about... how many more paid versus organic opportunities there are these days (for better or for worse).
Our playgroup was a group of harried working parents who attended weekly Early Childhood Family Education classes offered by our school district. We moved from weekly in-class meetings to gatherings at each other's houses for dinners and playtime. It sure took effort to rally beyond our own schedules and needs. Making community is hard stuff.
Yes, so hard! Sounds like a great connection from your school district.
I think people forget how long it took to build their playgroups/communities, especially if they weren't building from scratch. And it is not much relief to know that it's a "give it three years" kind of timeline when you need it immediately. It is hard to grow a community at the same time as you become a parent.
Totally agree, Tiffany! Especially in those very early postpartum days, it can feel exhausting.
And, of course, I am inexplicably leaving out a huge change in context--which is that recent new parents have been doing this post-pandemic. In 2022, we were only doing one non-school indoor thing a month--which we added because my high-risk kids were finally vaccinated. It is only in the past year that we have really returned to something that looks like pre-pandemic life. These past five years have been particularly difficult.
Yes, this is a huge factor. When my son was born in 2022, we could only have one visitor in the hospital at a time (and my husband had to leave the room for them to come in). Then we were so protective of him after his NICU stay, so anything social felt impossible.
I bought this book, and I read it over the weekend. It was pretty delightful. The last poem on the snow day was my favorite ❤️
Isn't it perfect to pick up? I told Ashley, it was very parent friendly because you could read an essay or poem easily throughout the daily chaos.
Exactly!! I loved how accessible it was.
Oh thank you, Breann! I'm so glad to hear that. I really appreciate your support.