💬 Stress Less in this Holiday Mess💬
A community discussion thread: it's time to talk about holiday stress
Hello dear readers,
This week, we are doing something new and different. We are having a party. And everyone knows a party is more fun with good friends. I invited
of and of to come on over and co-host this shindig. As I recover from shoulder surgery, I need some fabulous women by my side to offer you all a hot beverage as you arrive. We can see how that could go—no one wants hot chocolate spilled all over their holiday sweater. Welcome to the readers of and and to anyone who has just come in from the various corners of the land of the newsletters known as Substack, we are so happy to have you here in the mess.
There has been a lot going on, no? We are coming out of the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US and launching into December at full force, but a lot has been going on in the months prior, too. It’s maybe been a little stressful. That doesn’t capture it all, but that’s the word we will use today.
Sri, how are you doing?
“Hanging by a thread, Kathryn. Hanging by a thread. Late September to early November is peak Hindu holiday season so going from that straight into my American holidays has me BEAT.
And it’s a bit weird, but I get stressed about being stressed. Every part of this season is screaming at you that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year” and how you’re supposed to be so joyful. Instead, you end up feeling like you must be such a mess because you don’t feel that way. You just end up feeling completely invalidated about your anxiety.
And don’t even get me started about how much pressure there is to make the holidays ✨magical✨.”
And Shelly, what about you?
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Right? Hello? Did I lose you?
I do love the holidays. Like…a lot. And that’s why I get so stressed out. THEY HAVE TO BE PERFECT. Or at least filled with good tidings and merriment and memories that my son will cherish and a million other things I DO TO MYSELF that will inevitably stress me out. Do I need to host Thanksgiving? No. Do I need to host a holiday party? Nope. Did I need to buy tickets today to seven different holiday EXTRAVAGANZAS no one asked to go to that will surely lead me to complain about not having enough “free time?” Do I need to take a day off work to bake 385 dozen cookies? I mean, kind of?
So yeah, I hear you both with the stress and the (self-induced) pressure to have a magical holiday season. I AM OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!”
So here we are…
We want to talk about stress today. Doesn’t that sound like a great party?
This is a place where you can share:
What’s going through your head right now?
And maybe we can help each other out. Let’s support each other and offer up what has worked for you in stressing less during the holidays:
What have you done less of or maybe not at all?
What strategies have kept you sane during the holidays?
How does this work?
All the juicy, good stuff happens this week in the comments section.
Feel free to come on in—like what others say by clicking the heart on their comment, contribute to the conversation by replying to another’s comment, or type your own comment. This is a place for commiseration, support, and ideas. So, don’t worry about writing perfect responses. We are all about imperfection here. Maybe you are on the shy side? That’s okay; you don’t have to comment, but the good stuff is in the comments section, so come on in and take a look.
Here are the guidelines because sometimes the internet thinks it doesn’t need rules, but to keep this a wonderful place, we all need to be on the same page.
Be kind and respectful of others. We are all coming from different places in life, let’s respect that there are many different ways to do things.
Here is an easy one: if there is any hate speech, bullying, or bad behavior of any kind, you are kicked out of the party.
Take care of yourself. The internet is somewhat public, so if you have something difficult going on in your private life, this might not be the place to share.
And, of course, none of the conversations here constitutes therapy or medical advice. You can take my Christmas card thoughts at your own risk.
The comments section will stay open all week and close at the end of the day on Sunday, December 8, 2024. So feel free to come and go.
Don’t forget the party favors
Parties need favors! So, here you go…just a few practices to help with the holiday season:
Pssst—
If you want to know more about our lovely co-hosts, they have both been interviewed here on A Wonderful Mess before:
As always—Just a little reminder: The content on A Wonderful Mess posted by Dr. Kathryn Barbash, PsyD, is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for medical, clinical, legal, or professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your licensed mental health professional or other qualified health provider.
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 | A guest post by
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Hello, all! Welcome to the first A Wonderful Mess community discussion thread. Feel welcome to share what's on your plate, questions for navigating the holiday mess, and helpful ideas that you have used to manage the holidays. I've been collecting helpful articles and links, that I will throw in if needed. And I am also prepared to just throw in links to classic holiday SNL skits for our laughter needs, too.
Is anyone else having trouble getting into the holiday spirit?
I am in a weird place this year. We really set low expectations because I am recovering from surgery. No travel, no hosting, no events, no volunteering at the school—so in many ways I have a lot less stress (I swear this is not a humble brag). BUT I am kind of having hard time getting into the spirit of the holiday. And this likely has to do somewhat with the whole recovering thing and the stress of the months leading up to December. But it also makes me question--is the busyness part of what feels like the holidays?? I don't know.
I am currently trying some different things to get more in the spirit. Like doing more seasonal reading (not something I really have done much of before), bringing in some of my family traditions we haven’t done before now that my kids are a little older, and thinking about small things just for me, like I bought my own secret stash of gingerbread cookies to have with my tea in the afternoon (because if they aren’t secret, they are consumed by children).