Hello, all! Welcome to the first A Wonderful Mess community discussion thread. Feel welcome to share what's on your plate, questions for navigating the holiday mess, and helpful ideas that you have used to manage the holidays. I've been collecting helpful articles and links, that I will throw in if needed. And I am also prepared to just throw in links to classic holiday SNL skits for our laughter needs, too.
Is anyone else having trouble getting into the holiday spirit?
I am in a weird place this year. We really set low expectations because I am recovering from surgery. No travel, no hosting, no events, no volunteering at the school—so in many ways I have a lot less stress (I swear this is not a humble brag). BUT I am kind of having hard time getting into the spirit of the holiday. And this likely has to do somewhat with the whole recovering thing and the stress of the months leading up to December. But it also makes me question--is the busyness part of what feels like the holidays?? I don't know.
I am currently trying some different things to get more in the spirit. Like doing more seasonal reading (not something I really have done much of before), bringing in some of my family traditions we haven’t done before now that my kids are a little older, and thinking about small things just for me, like I bought my own secret stash of gingerbread cookies to have with my tea in the afternoon (because if they aren’t secret, they are consumed by children).
Oh that's really interesting, Kathryn. It sounds like a dreamy holiday season to me but without all the hustle and bustle, it feels a little ho hum bug? Might I suggest Hallmark holiday movies? Full of cheese and predictable but nothing makes my heart grow three sizes like watching fake snow get stuck in the perfect beachy waves of someone about to fall in love with her long-lost soulmate!
Oh believe me, I have been partaking in the holiday movies...I have learned that the big city and ambition are bad and somehow first loves are always the path to true love. And if anyone is stressed about taking in the new holiday releases of Netflix, happy to fill you in.
The thought of the busy-ness of the holiday seasoning being a defining hallmark of the holidays itself is pretty thought-provoking. I've never thought of it quite like that before and it feels right to me that the end-of-year holiday madness is part of the "magic" of the season?
While I agree shoulder surgery is not the way to go about slowing down the holiday season (so glad to hear your recovery is going well), I'm glad you're finding more slower-paced ways to make the holidays feel holidayish. I'd love to hear more about some of the new holiday traditions you're hoping to foster!
I do think the busyness is so baked in to the experience, right? So maybe this is an experiment in a slow holiday season for me. Experiments are a helpful framework.
I hope your surgery recovery goes well! What type of gingerbread cookies do you buy? I feel like trader joes has some real next-level ones that go perfectly with tea and are that thin crisp that has me imagining I'm British. And I also am reading and watching all things Christmas (or at least trying to). If it has a cozy sweater on the cover, sign me up! I just borrowed A Wedding in December by Sarah Morgan from the library and it is starting out promising. Plus, sign me up for every hallmark or holiday movie while I attempt to craft homemade gifts on a budget. lol. Hope you catch a calmer holiday spirit! Maybe its just Christmas songs 24/7 that would get ya there?
I'll admit the cookies I have aren't my first choice gingerbread--Trader Joe's definitely does a good tea cookie and we have a local fine food store that has amazing cookies but they are working for the time being. I just picked up some Christmas titles yesterday from the library. Jenny Bayliss's 12 Dates of Christmas is up next on the pile.
If anyone is stressed about how to enjoy all of the holiday movies streaming these days...I can help with that. I've been watching them all for you. Want to chat about it?
I've been watching them all even "Hot Frosty" about the hot snowman that comes to life, there are so many plot questions there but I admit I still enjoyed it.
Oh yes, I dabbled in Hot Frosty as well! Even my husband sat through 15 minutes because he was so intrigued by the title. I love that all networks and streamers are getting in on the "holiday movie" spirit but Hallmark is still my #1. There is just something so comforting about knowing exactly what is going to happen! I also love how over the topped decked out everything is!
The beauty of Hallmark movies is that you can have them running for every hour of winter (I've tried) and not miss a beat. Take a nap, wake up, and--oh! home girl is about to save the town from the big bad land developer who also happens to be the love interest--you just keep on rolling through.
Totally agree. When I was first out of surgery in my loopy phase in the days following, I started with Hallmark movies because that was easy to follow. My husband laughed at me as I yelled at the TV will they, won't they couple--"You can be together. This is not real conflict."
Oh I watched Hot Frosty and did not recognize until i was googling some info about it that the snowman was played by the actor who played Ted on Schitt's Creek. Then I started watching Merry Gentleman and it took me half the movie to recognize the male lead as Chad Michael Murray. My ability to recognize celebs is clearly waning, but I do like the escapism of holiday movies :)
I feel like he had completely different mannerisms and I guess the facial hair/longer hair makes a big difference. Also, I guess his ability to look/play different roles is this thing called acting?
Yeah it’s weird how he can just PRETEND to be different people! Like one day your a veterinarian and the next a personified snowman???? Like how dumb do you think we are, Ted!!!???
Well, Chad Michael Murray hasn't been in much for awhile, I am not sure I would have put it together except that I had seen an article about it before watching.
Hot like....sexy? Half the fun of holiday hallmark films is finding the weird plot holes. We watched one last year where a city slicker gal breaks down near a maple farm...have ya seen it? Same as all the other ones, no? Or did you watch the Lindsey Lohan one where she hits her head and then the hospital sends her home with STRANGERS? lol lol Amazing.
I did watch the newest holiday Lohan this week, which wasn't half bad. I think one part of what makes some of these movie shine above the rest really goes to the comedic supportive cast. When they are good, it's so much better. If I am laughing, I am willing to look past all the plot holes. Also we can not forget Merry Gentleman which was clearly made for the millennials https://youtu.be/G80Q8-MJM1A?si=q4GBNROfFxMmDhzT
Aside from watching holiday movies, what are you all doing to get into the holiday spirit? I feel like I'm burnt out and we still have (secular) Christmas around the corner! Gifts have been procured (yet to be packed and mailed). Feels like I'm going through the motions right now.
Okay, I am going to go in two directions with my answer. It's like choose your own adventure...
First path, (is very therapist type of response but not therapy of course): Is not having "enough" holiday spirit really a problem? Some years it just might not be there or is it that you need more space to allow some spirit in? Maybe just starting with taking care of you and your needs might give you some perspective on how to proceed?
Second path, here are the practical things I have found because as mentioned I have been puzzling on this myself. I've been reading "Calm Christmas" by Beth Kempton (who also does a podcast of the same name), it was recommended in the Literary Leanings Substack. It's a helpful exercise in thinking about what is helpful and not helpful. I've also been following along with Katie Blake's substack https://drkatieblake.substack.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=substack_profile , she is doing a December of Delight advent. Just a little thing everyday and they are really easy, low stakes activities (but you know it is a thing to do, so if you don't want to add. That's good to consider). And seasonal reading, there are so many books out there it's overwhelming but I took a few titles from across several bookish Substacks I read.
1. I love the therapist response and it's such a good question to ask myself. Maybe in a year or two I will find it in me to possess the holiday spirit but why does it have to be THIS year?
2. I love Beth Kempton and completely missed this. Will check it out, thanks for sharing! And thanks for sharing Katie Blake's substack. It's new to me.
I started with Santa's Trash Cookies because I loved the name. But I also love thumbprints, truffles, fudge, chocolate crinkle cookies, butter cookies, butterscotch bars, and not a cookie but soooo easy-- many variations of Christmas bark. https://thesaltedsweets.com/santas-trash-cookies/
Umm, your son is a genius and now I want a jet pack too. I'm also going to be spending the next few days helping Santa come up with the reasons why a jet pack may not be on the agenda.
Right?! Tonight we tried a casual “do you guys know the laws around flying jet packs? Do you think we need a license to operate that? Santa wouldn’t be able to bring stuff if it wasn’t safe or wasn’t legally operable.” To which my son replied “I’m just going to try it this year and see what Santa does. Then if not, I’ll try again next year. And then 6,788 more times before I give up.” He will be so old flying around on that jet pack in the year 8812. 😂
Oof, I've got all the holiday stress at the moment.
We're doing an early Christmas with my in-laws, and hosting involves its own challenges and both emotional and mental labour. The presents are purchased (with the exception of a last-minute request for a harmonica, and the record player I want to purchase in person tomorrow). After they leave, I head to Berlin for 5 days, come back and go to a conference for 2 days, frantically get the house in shape for our house swap guests, and then we fly.
In that time period, I need to finish grading, write my paper for the first conference, do some long overdue data analysis, and outline a paper so I can write it up my first week back. But I've made good progress - my late October "to do before Christmas" braindump had 40 items on it, and now I'm down to 10, with 18 days to go.
Our December model seems to be to run ourselves ragged, get on a plane to my parents, and collapse on their doorstep. This year, my husband and I have 2 days solo as it's my 40th (mom and dad meeting us at the airport for a kind handoff) and then we'll take the bus to their house.
We normally come back at New Year but realised last year, it was cold, miserable, and all the cafes were closed, so now we're staying until the 5th. I'd have appreciated a bit more time to get organised post-Christmas, but I think I'd rather be on the beach instead? Future me may regret this, but honestly, as much vitamin D as I can soak up ahead of a long winter...
Oh, Coree. I think I need to sit down and rest after reading all of that. My goodness that is a lot on your plate. And I am so impressed with how on top of it you are. I am so happy you have a solo birthday celebration. My husband and I both turned 40 this year and celebrating sans kids was joyful. Enjoy that beach, soak up that vitamin D--you deserve it. It's possible you may regret it but it sounds like it will be very needed after this December.
Yes, definitely, I’m a Californian in Scotland, I need every drop. And I’ve heard Santa bought me a boogie board to match my son’s so I’m looking forward to hitting the waves with kiddo! I did quite a bit of teaching prep, which felt like it could wait, but I felt like if I didn’t know what I was teaching week by week, it would be lingering in my brain all winter break.
Coree, I am from Southern California and although Pittsburgh is certainly not Scotland, it is also not Southern California. I feel this deep in my bones.
Omg Coree you have earned every drop of Vitamin D your skin can absorb. If anyone deserves it, it's you! I'm having second-hand stress on your behalf 😂
Echoing Kathryn: really impressed you've managed to whittle down your 40-item check list to 10! I usually start with 10 and end with 9 😬. I'm glad you can get away, even if it's for a little bit. Hopefully, the remaining winter months will be a season of calm and hibernation. But let us know if that's not true!
Today I will probably set out the calendar on paper and figure out our December. We have a holiday that works for us, but it means we just don't do a lot of things. We don't travel to family or host family. We don't do Christmas cards. We don't decorate the entire house. We usually don't do special Christmas cookies--commercial frozen cookie dough from a school fundraiser saves the day. We don't do elf on the shelf.
And yet our holiday is usually packed with fun and traditions. A couple of years ago, we realized that we were feeling too hurried and decided to stop trying to cram zoolights into the Christmas season. Now we go in January and we get all the fun and none of the stress. My family can't do busy, they need lots of down time! It's a gift to be able to say no and to have a choice about what is best for your family.
You are crushing it, Tiffany! I love that you took stock of your family's needs and adjusted / course-corrected to make sure the holiday season was serving you and not the other way around.
Tiffany, you NAILED IT! Making room for fun and traditions to happen organically is perfect. And you're right-- some of the annual holiday activities are still going in January. That's a great idea to push those until then when there is nothing else going on!
And it is super nice to go in January. We can park in the main lot, it doesn't take an hour in line to get through the gate, there aren't lines for refreshments or the restrooms. It's a much more enjoyable experience!
Tiffany--you are beautiful example of the joy of subtraction. We, too, having taken so many things off our calendar over the years. And nothing bad happens! And if we miss something, we know that it might be something we want to bring back in the future. We didn't do holiday cards last year and it was liberating. We ended up sending Valentine's cards because I do like sending cards but it's just too busy during the holidays.
I’m feeling a bit jingle bells, in terms of scrambled frontal lobe noise and the holiday season has barely started. My 16-year-old dancer daughter who has recently had an autism diagnosis is about to embark on a 22-night extravaganza with a Christmas show at one of the theatres in our city. She’s also in the middle of exams at school and doing a significant dance qualification. Her stress intolerance is only second to mine and she has just sprung an injury which puts the whole deal into jeopardy. This seemed like a great idea in August when she aced her audition. Now it just feels insane. I’m worried the family will have imploded by Christmas Eve! What practical measures can I take to try and control at least some variables? I’m still coming to terms with her diagnosis as well so input from parents with neurodiverse teens especially welcome.
Isn't it amazing, how something seems like a good idea until you get to it?
First, what an accomplishment for your daughter (even if it is derailed by an injury, fingers crossed nothing bad there), it sounds like she is very dedicated to her dancing and being cast in the show is a big deal, no matter what happens.
Second, what can you control here? Whenever there is a lot going on in life it can be helpful to focus on routines within our control. We know this with little kids certainly, but it still holds somewhat true with teens (and adults!) too. Are there ways to keep meals routine(and it doesn't always need to be dinner--maybe breakfast time has a specific rhythm?), night time rituals, reliable food options and so on. Is there some pocket of the day that feel routine and grounding for your daughter (and others too!). Along with what you can control, are there things you can take off your and her plate? What can you decide can wait or be more flexible about? Are there expectations you can discuss with her and agree will just look different this month?
And along with a very busy holiday schedule--you are processing new insights about your daughter's autism identification. It's alot. Keep in mind integrating the new insights is a long process. You are not going to have all of that sorted out in the next month. I recommend checking out https://katelynch.substack.com and https://learnwithdremily.substack.com for helpful resources on parenting neurodiverse teens (but when you have the time to take it in).
Thank you ❤️ we have started on a little list of essentials to try and maintain some balance, a lot of it is to do with food!
You’re also so right that it’s a process coming to terms with her autism - as much as we have suspected this for a long time and adapted around it, that’s still different from ‘knowing’ and understanding. I’ll check out the stacks you recommend. Hope you have as chill and fun lead up to the seasons as is possible and thanks again ☺️
Yes, the understanding is piece is a long process. But remember all the knowledge you have about her and those adaptations you've made before identification are important and still valid.
Hello, all! Welcome to the first A Wonderful Mess community discussion thread. Feel welcome to share what's on your plate, questions for navigating the holiday mess, and helpful ideas that you have used to manage the holidays. I've been collecting helpful articles and links, that I will throw in if needed. And I am also prepared to just throw in links to classic holiday SNL skits for our laughter needs, too.
Is anyone else having trouble getting into the holiday spirit?
I am in a weird place this year. We really set low expectations because I am recovering from surgery. No travel, no hosting, no events, no volunteering at the school—so in many ways I have a lot less stress (I swear this is not a humble brag). BUT I am kind of having hard time getting into the spirit of the holiday. And this likely has to do somewhat with the whole recovering thing and the stress of the months leading up to December. But it also makes me question--is the busyness part of what feels like the holidays?? I don't know.
I am currently trying some different things to get more in the spirit. Like doing more seasonal reading (not something I really have done much of before), bringing in some of my family traditions we haven’t done before now that my kids are a little older, and thinking about small things just for me, like I bought my own secret stash of gingerbread cookies to have with my tea in the afternoon (because if they aren’t secret, they are consumed by children).
Oh that's really interesting, Kathryn. It sounds like a dreamy holiday season to me but without all the hustle and bustle, it feels a little ho hum bug? Might I suggest Hallmark holiday movies? Full of cheese and predictable but nothing makes my heart grow three sizes like watching fake snow get stuck in the perfect beachy waves of someone about to fall in love with her long-lost soulmate!
Oh believe me, I have been partaking in the holiday movies...I have learned that the big city and ambition are bad and somehow first loves are always the path to true love. And if anyone is stressed about taking in the new holiday releases of Netflix, happy to fill you in.
The thought of the busy-ness of the holiday seasoning being a defining hallmark of the holidays itself is pretty thought-provoking. I've never thought of it quite like that before and it feels right to me that the end-of-year holiday madness is part of the "magic" of the season?
While I agree shoulder surgery is not the way to go about slowing down the holiday season (so glad to hear your recovery is going well), I'm glad you're finding more slower-paced ways to make the holidays feel holidayish. I'd love to hear more about some of the new holiday traditions you're hoping to foster!
I do think the busyness is so baked in to the experience, right? So maybe this is an experiment in a slow holiday season for me. Experiments are a helpful framework.
I hope your surgery recovery goes well! What type of gingerbread cookies do you buy? I feel like trader joes has some real next-level ones that go perfectly with tea and are that thin crisp that has me imagining I'm British. And I also am reading and watching all things Christmas (or at least trying to). If it has a cozy sweater on the cover, sign me up! I just borrowed A Wedding in December by Sarah Morgan from the library and it is starting out promising. Plus, sign me up for every hallmark or holiday movie while I attempt to craft homemade gifts on a budget. lol. Hope you catch a calmer holiday spirit! Maybe its just Christmas songs 24/7 that would get ya there?
I'll admit the cookies I have aren't my first choice gingerbread--Trader Joe's definitely does a good tea cookie and we have a local fine food store that has amazing cookies but they are working for the time being. I just picked up some Christmas titles yesterday from the library. Jenny Bayliss's 12 Dates of Christmas is up next on the pile.
Why have I never thought of a Holiday Book Reading List???? This is brilliant!
This is the first year I have done it, too. Which I don't know why it never occurred to me either.
If anyone is stressed about how to enjoy all of the holiday movies streaming these days...I can help with that. I've been watching them all for you. Want to chat about it?
And also along the lines of holiday movies-- read this for a laugh. https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/before-bingeing-on-hallmark-holiday-movies-please-agree-to-these-terms
❤️
YES I DO!!! It's one of my favorite ways to celebrate!
I've been watching them all even "Hot Frosty" about the hot snowman that comes to life, there are so many plot questions there but I admit I still enjoyed it.
I clearly need to watch Hot Frosty asap.
I mean, will it win any awards? No. But does it serve a purpose? Absolutely!
here is the trailer for you, https://youtu.be/Dmi794YO-0w?si=raS8OM6YZy6WE27j
Oh yes, I dabbled in Hot Frosty as well! Even my husband sat through 15 minutes because he was so intrigued by the title. I love that all networks and streamers are getting in on the "holiday movie" spirit but Hallmark is still my #1. There is just something so comforting about knowing exactly what is going to happen! I also love how over the topped decked out everything is!
The beauty of Hallmark movies is that you can have them running for every hour of winter (I've tried) and not miss a beat. Take a nap, wake up, and--oh! home girl is about to save the town from the big bad land developer who also happens to be the love interest--you just keep on rolling through.
It's true! Probably the same actors too!
Totally agree. When I was first out of surgery in my loopy phase in the days following, I started with Hallmark movies because that was easy to follow. My husband laughed at me as I yelled at the TV will they, won't they couple--"You can be together. This is not real conflict."
Well yes, Hallmark is the OG of the tv holiday movie.
Oh I watched Hot Frosty and did not recognize until i was googling some info about it that the snowman was played by the actor who played Ted on Schitt's Creek. Then I started watching Merry Gentleman and it took me half the movie to recognize the male lead as Chad Michael Murray. My ability to recognize celebs is clearly waning, but I do like the escapism of holiday movies :)
OH YES! It was actually my husband who recognized him as Ted! I would never have put the two together!
I feel like he had completely different mannerisms and I guess the facial hair/longer hair makes a big difference. Also, I guess his ability to look/play different roles is this thing called acting?
Yeah it’s weird how he can just PRETEND to be different people! Like one day your a veterinarian and the next a personified snowman???? Like how dumb do you think we are, Ted!!!???
Well, Chad Michael Murray hasn't been in much for awhile, I am not sure I would have put it together except that I had seen an article about it before watching.
I clearly just hit play on these movies without even reading a synopsis. Top 10 trending holiday movie on Netflix is all it takes!
Do we really need to know more? 😂
They do all that good work for us. We are tired parents and there it is.
Omg Hot Frosty. That might be what pushes me into holiday spirit mode?
Oh he’ll push you somewhere! It’s rough a try!
🔥😂☃️
https://youtu.be/Dmi794YO-0w?si=raS8OM6YZy6WE27j Here is the trailer for you.
Hot like....sexy? Half the fun of holiday hallmark films is finding the weird plot holes. We watched one last year where a city slicker gal breaks down near a maple farm...have ya seen it? Same as all the other ones, no? Or did you watch the Lindsey Lohan one where she hits her head and then the hospital sends her home with STRANGERS? lol lol Amazing.
I did watch the newest holiday Lohan this week, which wasn't half bad. I think one part of what makes some of these movie shine above the rest really goes to the comedic supportive cast. When they are good, it's so much better. If I am laughing, I am willing to look past all the plot holes. Also we can not forget Merry Gentleman which was clearly made for the millennials https://youtu.be/G80Q8-MJM1A?si=q4GBNROfFxMmDhzT
Aside from watching holiday movies, what are you all doing to get into the holiday spirit? I feel like I'm burnt out and we still have (secular) Christmas around the corner! Gifts have been procured (yet to be packed and mailed). Feels like I'm going through the motions right now.
Okay, I am going to go in two directions with my answer. It's like choose your own adventure...
First path, (is very therapist type of response but not therapy of course): Is not having "enough" holiday spirit really a problem? Some years it just might not be there or is it that you need more space to allow some spirit in? Maybe just starting with taking care of you and your needs might give you some perspective on how to proceed?
Second path, here are the practical things I have found because as mentioned I have been puzzling on this myself. I've been reading "Calm Christmas" by Beth Kempton (who also does a podcast of the same name), it was recommended in the Literary Leanings Substack. It's a helpful exercise in thinking about what is helpful and not helpful. I've also been following along with Katie Blake's substack https://drkatieblake.substack.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=substack_profile , she is doing a December of Delight advent. Just a little thing everyday and they are really easy, low stakes activities (but you know it is a thing to do, so if you don't want to add. That's good to consider). And seasonal reading, there are so many books out there it's overwhelming but I took a few titles from across several bookish Substacks I read.
1. I love the therapist response and it's such a good question to ask myself. Maybe in a year or two I will find it in me to possess the holiday spirit but why does it have to be THIS year?
2. I love Beth Kempton and completely missed this. Will check it out, thanks for sharing! And thanks for sharing Katie Blake's substack. It's new to me.
I’ve been baking a lot. Even just looking at holiday cookie recipes gets me in the mood!
What is your go-to cookie recipe?
I started with Santa's Trash Cookies because I loved the name. But I also love thumbprints, truffles, fudge, chocolate crinkle cookies, butter cookies, butterscotch bars, and not a cookie but soooo easy-- many variations of Christmas bark. https://thesaltedsweets.com/santas-trash-cookies/
OMG this is my kind of cookie. I'm seriously thinking of making Christmas bark as my gift to people and calling it a day.
Oh my goodness- Santa's Trash cookies look amazing!
Caroline Chambers recommended the “A Very Nancy Myers Christmas” playlist on Spotify and it is definitely helping me get in the spirit!
checking this out immediately!
I can just imagine the music! I will just have to check that out.
Okay that sounds EXACTLY like what would set me up for the right mood. Thank you for sharing!
You've already got gifts???!?!?! Aaaaaamazing. My son is asking Santa for a jet pack sooooo not sure how I am going to pull this one off.
Solid choice! hahhahahha
Amazon should surely have a jet pack ;)
Haha now I feel like a champ 💪🏽
Umm, your son is a genius and now I want a jet pack too. I'm also going to be spending the next few days helping Santa come up with the reasons why a jet pack may not be on the agenda.
Right?! Tonight we tried a casual “do you guys know the laws around flying jet packs? Do you think we need a license to operate that? Santa wouldn’t be able to bring stuff if it wasn’t safe or wasn’t legally operable.” To which my son replied “I’m just going to try it this year and see what Santa does. Then if not, I’ll try again next year. And then 6,788 more times before I give up.” He will be so old flying around on that jet pack in the year 8812. 😂
Your son is a visionary 👏
The thought of retiring and cruising around town with a jet pack is absolutely tickling me.
Oof, I've got all the holiday stress at the moment.
We're doing an early Christmas with my in-laws, and hosting involves its own challenges and both emotional and mental labour. The presents are purchased (with the exception of a last-minute request for a harmonica, and the record player I want to purchase in person tomorrow). After they leave, I head to Berlin for 5 days, come back and go to a conference for 2 days, frantically get the house in shape for our house swap guests, and then we fly.
In that time period, I need to finish grading, write my paper for the first conference, do some long overdue data analysis, and outline a paper so I can write it up my first week back. But I've made good progress - my late October "to do before Christmas" braindump had 40 items on it, and now I'm down to 10, with 18 days to go.
Our December model seems to be to run ourselves ragged, get on a plane to my parents, and collapse on their doorstep. This year, my husband and I have 2 days solo as it's my 40th (mom and dad meeting us at the airport for a kind handoff) and then we'll take the bus to their house.
We normally come back at New Year but realised last year, it was cold, miserable, and all the cafes were closed, so now we're staying until the 5th. I'd have appreciated a bit more time to get organised post-Christmas, but I think I'd rather be on the beach instead? Future me may regret this, but honestly, as much vitamin D as I can soak up ahead of a long winter...
Oh, Coree. I think I need to sit down and rest after reading all of that. My goodness that is a lot on your plate. And I am so impressed with how on top of it you are. I am so happy you have a solo birthday celebration. My husband and I both turned 40 this year and celebrating sans kids was joyful. Enjoy that beach, soak up that vitamin D--you deserve it. It's possible you may regret it but it sounds like it will be very needed after this December.
Yes, definitely, I’m a Californian in Scotland, I need every drop. And I’ve heard Santa bought me a boogie board to match my son’s so I’m looking forward to hitting the waves with kiddo! I did quite a bit of teaching prep, which felt like it could wait, but I felt like if I didn’t know what I was teaching week by week, it would be lingering in my brain all winter break.
Coree, I am from Southern California and although Pittsburgh is certainly not Scotland, it is also not Southern California. I feel this deep in my bones.
Omg Coree you have earned every drop of Vitamin D your skin can absorb. If anyone deserves it, it's you! I'm having second-hand stress on your behalf 😂
Echoing Kathryn: really impressed you've managed to whittle down your 40-item check list to 10! I usually start with 10 and end with 9 😬. I'm glad you can get away, even if it's for a little bit. Hopefully, the remaining winter months will be a season of calm and hibernation. But let us know if that's not true!
Today I will probably set out the calendar on paper and figure out our December. We have a holiday that works for us, but it means we just don't do a lot of things. We don't travel to family or host family. We don't do Christmas cards. We don't decorate the entire house. We usually don't do special Christmas cookies--commercial frozen cookie dough from a school fundraiser saves the day. We don't do elf on the shelf.
And yet our holiday is usually packed with fun and traditions. A couple of years ago, we realized that we were feeling too hurried and decided to stop trying to cram zoolights into the Christmas season. Now we go in January and we get all the fun and none of the stress. My family can't do busy, they need lots of down time! It's a gift to be able to say no and to have a choice about what is best for your family.
You are crushing it, Tiffany! I love that you took stock of your family's needs and adjusted / course-corrected to make sure the holiday season was serving you and not the other way around.
Tiffany, you NAILED IT! Making room for fun and traditions to happen organically is perfect. And you're right-- some of the annual holiday activities are still going in January. That's a great idea to push those until then when there is nothing else going on!
And it is super nice to go in January. We can park in the main lot, it doesn't take an hour in line to get through the gate, there aren't lines for refreshments or the restrooms. It's a much more enjoyable experience!
Yes--less crowds is always preferable!
Tiffany--you are beautiful example of the joy of subtraction. We, too, having taken so many things off our calendar over the years. And nothing bad happens! And if we miss something, we know that it might be something we want to bring back in the future. We didn't do holiday cards last year and it was liberating. We ended up sending Valentine's cards because I do like sending cards but it's just too busy during the holidays.
I’m feeling a bit jingle bells, in terms of scrambled frontal lobe noise and the holiday season has barely started. My 16-year-old dancer daughter who has recently had an autism diagnosis is about to embark on a 22-night extravaganza with a Christmas show at one of the theatres in our city. She’s also in the middle of exams at school and doing a significant dance qualification. Her stress intolerance is only second to mine and she has just sprung an injury which puts the whole deal into jeopardy. This seemed like a great idea in August when she aced her audition. Now it just feels insane. I’m worried the family will have imploded by Christmas Eve! What practical measures can I take to try and control at least some variables? I’m still coming to terms with her diagnosis as well so input from parents with neurodiverse teens especially welcome.
Isn't it amazing, how something seems like a good idea until you get to it?
First, what an accomplishment for your daughter (even if it is derailed by an injury, fingers crossed nothing bad there), it sounds like she is very dedicated to her dancing and being cast in the show is a big deal, no matter what happens.
Second, what can you control here? Whenever there is a lot going on in life it can be helpful to focus on routines within our control. We know this with little kids certainly, but it still holds somewhat true with teens (and adults!) too. Are there ways to keep meals routine(and it doesn't always need to be dinner--maybe breakfast time has a specific rhythm?), night time rituals, reliable food options and so on. Is there some pocket of the day that feel routine and grounding for your daughter (and others too!). Along with what you can control, are there things you can take off your and her plate? What can you decide can wait or be more flexible about? Are there expectations you can discuss with her and agree will just look different this month?
And along with a very busy holiday schedule--you are processing new insights about your daughter's autism identification. It's alot. Keep in mind integrating the new insights is a long process. You are not going to have all of that sorted out in the next month. I recommend checking out https://katelynch.substack.com and https://learnwithdremily.substack.com for helpful resources on parenting neurodiverse teens (but when you have the time to take it in).
Thank you ❤️ we have started on a little list of essentials to try and maintain some balance, a lot of it is to do with food!
You’re also so right that it’s a process coming to terms with her autism - as much as we have suspected this for a long time and adapted around it, that’s still different from ‘knowing’ and understanding. I’ll check out the stacks you recommend. Hope you have as chill and fun lead up to the seasons as is possible and thanks again ☺️
Yes, the understanding is piece is a long process. But remember all the knowledge you have about her and those adaptations you've made before identification are important and still valid.