It's like the marketing for things that claim to bring calm and order to "busy moms" -- umm, does this purchase come *with* time, space, and support?!?
Yes, please send the qualified supervising adult along with the toy. I can't stand the products that require a lot of adult involvement (because kids have differing levels of ability) that are sold as something to entertain them for hours. Sometimes companies conceptualize the "problem" as we adults and kids just don't know what to do with time...not that there are other constraints in the picture.
My husband is disabled, so playing video/ computer games are one of the things he and my son CAN do together. Screens can be very awesome for people with disabilities and let’s not forget it!
Absolutely. There are many ways they can support connection, play, joy. We are really stuck in a narrow interpretation of what screentime is and can give families.
Thank you for writing this! I personally am so tired of the screen debates and the screen shaming in parenting spaces. I’m often jealous of my mom who got to parent in the pre-internet era and avoided all of it. She could just let me rot in front of the TV watching Full House and there was zero judgment. Simpler times.
I wrote the first version of this piece in the summer and it was very rage-y. I could not stand all the shame content around screentime I was encountering everywhere and then "the solutions" that all involved money and time.
I watched so much Full House and Saved by the Bell. It was a good time.
Saved by the Bell was the other show I was thinking about when I commented! My absolute fave. Those were seriously the best times. I always lament to my boys about “the good ol’ days” when we all watched the same TV shows at the same time and didn’t have 5 million options to choose from.
It really was easier. On the occasions where we have traveled and had a cable TV at a hotel, the kids struggle with this is just what is on. But it builds character, right?
Great read. We are a low-screen family—no tablets (yet) and they get about an hour a day to watch a show, sometimes a movie. But it has costs for sure (namely, the house gets messy AF). Modern parents have so much dysfunction to navigate, and sooo many strong opinions in their faces. I do think we need to talk about that more.
Thanks Amber, yes so many strong opinions! I wish we could give everyone a little more kindness and curiosity in how screens (and many choices of parenthood outside of screens) serve different needs for different families.
Umm Ranger Rick has QR codes that link to videos so definitely false advertising haha. My 4 year old loves them and they can be screen free entertainment but she also knows the option is there.
Yes! So many of these things have a tech connection/component but they lean into screen-free where they can. I am so glad my kids love magazines and they do read them but they only last so long.
Thank you for your well thought out words. The gorilla is certainly the complexity of parenting in these times and it’s definitely not a one size fits all thing.
We are low screen as a family except for things like streaming a movie every so often or watching dvds on a portable DVD player. And we have no TV, so I didn't even know there was much anti-screen marketing, especially since on the ground it all feels so difficult. Every other week a new kid in my child's 5th grade class gets a tabket or phone and she makes sure we hear about it.
So you can opt out of much of this marketing just by truly being less on a screen, but what you can't opt out of is the social pressure as each parent caves one by one and the child is getting close to being the last one left. The social pressure is harder to face than any marketing, at least for us. And where does it come from?
I know you are saying lack of child care and resources, too much reliance on nuclear family, etc. But I thought you left a lot out. Lower taxes would make it easier for my mom to move to our area from her area where housing costs are so much lower and she would help us if she could. And lower taxes would make babysitting so much easier to afford. But even then, it's hard to find childcare workers who don't rely on a screen to keep your child occupied. I think its more complicated than finances and social stresses. I think people have a hard time resisting addictive screens and convenience. Even if we were all rich, it still might feel easier to let a screen babysit our kids than arrange for childcare.
We are human and humans have glitches that are truly challenging to overcome. The only thing that keeps me fighting is that each time we tried more technology (tablet or ipad), I saw changes in my children that made it clear they were becoming less happy and less connected in relationships. And my focus is true connection and love. But I don't think anything would make this easy. And I believe that only by keeping status and peer pressure from being too important to us can we stay laser focused on our goal of love and connection. In other words, it's not about simply keeping away the screens. It's about recognizing the impediment screens are to our highest hopes and joys in life for our children.
If we don't see that, nothing else will overcome the hold convenience has over us. The goal can't be avoiding screens. It's to not miss out on a joyful connected life, and when you see how screens addict and hold you back so that your family is missing out and you see what it is you really want, then you're clear on what it will take.
So I guess that what you call the elephant in the room still seems like a symptom rather than a true underlying
set of causes. The cause is not knowing what we are aiming for and not being clear on all that is detrimental to our best lives. If people were clear on that, all the other societal problems could be easily solved. You could say poorer people don't have the same options, but in the end, though I don't like it, powerful people are always shaping our world more than ordinary people can. I can't see how it won't always be this way.
But we have power to decide what is beautiful and worth aiming for and I think that's a start no matter what our economic situation. I have seen very poor families have this approach and they appeared much happier for it. All that anti-screen advertising, notwithstanding, I know which way this all is moving and wish it weren't becoming more and more against the grain to limit addictive devices in family life. Because over time it will feel isolating, both for those who are missing out on relationships while on their phones and for those who can't get to know other people because they are passing up so many hours of opportunity to connect while on screens.
Every word of this is PURE GOLD! Nailed it once again!! And I LOVE your graphics! ❤️
Thank you Sri. Maybe I will freelance parenting graphics on the side, ha!
It's like the marketing for things that claim to bring calm and order to "busy moms" -- umm, does this purchase come *with* time, space, and support?!?
Yes, please send the qualified supervising adult along with the toy. I can't stand the products that require a lot of adult involvement (because kids have differing levels of ability) that are sold as something to entertain them for hours. Sometimes companies conceptualize the "problem" as we adults and kids just don't know what to do with time...not that there are other constraints in the picture.
Omg I know. And don’t even get me started on how this makes them dependent on someone else for entertainment!! Blah blah blah 🥵
My husband is disabled, so playing video/ computer games are one of the things he and my son CAN do together. Screens can be very awesome for people with disabilities and let’s not forget it!
Absolutely. There are many ways they can support connection, play, joy. We are really stuck in a narrow interpretation of what screentime is and can give families.
Thank you for writing this! I personally am so tired of the screen debates and the screen shaming in parenting spaces. I’m often jealous of my mom who got to parent in the pre-internet era and avoided all of it. She could just let me rot in front of the TV watching Full House and there was zero judgment. Simpler times.
I wrote the first version of this piece in the summer and it was very rage-y. I could not stand all the shame content around screentime I was encountering everywhere and then "the solutions" that all involved money and time.
I watched so much Full House and Saved by the Bell. It was a good time.
Saved by the Bell was the other show I was thinking about when I commented! My absolute fave. Those were seriously the best times. I always lament to my boys about “the good ol’ days” when we all watched the same TV shows at the same time and didn’t have 5 million options to choose from.
It really was easier. On the occasions where we have traveled and had a cable TV at a hotel, the kids struggle with this is just what is on. But it builds character, right?
Great read. We are a low-screen family—no tablets (yet) and they get about an hour a day to watch a show, sometimes a movie. But it has costs for sure (namely, the house gets messy AF). Modern parents have so much dysfunction to navigate, and sooo many strong opinions in their faces. I do think we need to talk about that more.
Thanks Amber, yes so many strong opinions! I wish we could give everyone a little more kindness and curiosity in how screens (and many choices of parenthood outside of screens) serve different needs for different families.
Umm Ranger Rick has QR codes that link to videos so definitely false advertising haha. My 4 year old loves them and they can be screen free entertainment but she also knows the option is there.
Yes! So many of these things have a tech connection/component but they lean into screen-free where they can. I am so glad my kids love magazines and they do read them but they only last so long.
Thank you for your well thought out words. The gorilla is certainly the complexity of parenting in these times and it’s definitely not a one size fits all thing.
Thank you, Tammy! It is so very complex.
We are low screen as a family except for things like streaming a movie every so often or watching dvds on a portable DVD player. And we have no TV, so I didn't even know there was much anti-screen marketing, especially since on the ground it all feels so difficult. Every other week a new kid in my child's 5th grade class gets a tabket or phone and she makes sure we hear about it.
So you can opt out of much of this marketing just by truly being less on a screen, but what you can't opt out of is the social pressure as each parent caves one by one and the child is getting close to being the last one left. The social pressure is harder to face than any marketing, at least for us. And where does it come from?
I know you are saying lack of child care and resources, too much reliance on nuclear family, etc. But I thought you left a lot out. Lower taxes would make it easier for my mom to move to our area from her area where housing costs are so much lower and she would help us if she could. And lower taxes would make babysitting so much easier to afford. But even then, it's hard to find childcare workers who don't rely on a screen to keep your child occupied. I think its more complicated than finances and social stresses. I think people have a hard time resisting addictive screens and convenience. Even if we were all rich, it still might feel easier to let a screen babysit our kids than arrange for childcare.
We are human and humans have glitches that are truly challenging to overcome. The only thing that keeps me fighting is that each time we tried more technology (tablet or ipad), I saw changes in my children that made it clear they were becoming less happy and less connected in relationships. And my focus is true connection and love. But I don't think anything would make this easy. And I believe that only by keeping status and peer pressure from being too important to us can we stay laser focused on our goal of love and connection. In other words, it's not about simply keeping away the screens. It's about recognizing the impediment screens are to our highest hopes and joys in life for our children.
If we don't see that, nothing else will overcome the hold convenience has over us. The goal can't be avoiding screens. It's to not miss out on a joyful connected life, and when you see how screens addict and hold you back so that your family is missing out and you see what it is you really want, then you're clear on what it will take.
So I guess that what you call the elephant in the room still seems like a symptom rather than a true underlying
set of causes. The cause is not knowing what we are aiming for and not being clear on all that is detrimental to our best lives. If people were clear on that, all the other societal problems could be easily solved. You could say poorer people don't have the same options, but in the end, though I don't like it, powerful people are always shaping our world more than ordinary people can. I can't see how it won't always be this way.
But we have power to decide what is beautiful and worth aiming for and I think that's a start no matter what our economic situation. I have seen very poor families have this approach and they appeared much happier for it. All that anti-screen advertising, notwithstanding, I know which way this all is moving and wish it weren't becoming more and more against the grain to limit addictive devices in family life. Because over time it will feel isolating, both for those who are missing out on relationships while on their phones and for those who can't get to know other people because they are passing up so many hours of opportunity to connect while on screens.